If only you knew [ShinoMitsu]

Chapter 3: To win or to lose

TW: character death, fainting, hospitals, mention of sick feeling (without vomit)

It's weird not having parents, I feel like I should miss them more than I do. As hard as I try, it's difficult to miss somebody that you barely remember... besides, the only real emotion I feel towards my dead parents is anger. I want to mourn but despite everything, I've always had Kanae to care for me so that I don't have to carry that weight. She's everything I wish I was: smart, kind, strong, beautiful, resourceful, smart, calm, collected... she's so perfect that it makes me want to punch her in the face. I know how much she loves me and god I love her back with everything I have, it's just that somehow I can't help but feel a burning jealousy stirring inside me whenever I'm around her. Why was she the one who got to experience our parents love for long enough to properly mourn them? Why did she get to keep her memories whilst I lost nearly all of mine? I dont understand any of it. She must be burning inside, carrying the burden of a little sister to pay and care for, plus the death of our parents must have hurt her like hell. I'll never understand how she stays sane.

No matter how I feel about Kanae, there is no denying that she is the picture perfect role model. Her parents are dead at 16 and she's left with nothing, yet she manages to make enough money for a home and somewhat of a life for herself and her 13 year old sister. And for three long years, she kept us stable. That was until the incident.

I didnt think it was possible when they told me. 3 officers at my door one night telling me that my sister wasn't coming home.

"Poisoned... suspicious... murder... such a shame... nothing we could have done... so sorry."

And then they were gone again.

It can't be true. Kanae? A scientist? Poisoned? I knew her work was valuable but to be killed? My head spins. She's... not coming home...

My legs shake and I drop to my knees in the spot where the officers stood a few moments before. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it.

All I feel is confusion and nausea as I run to the bathroom.

"Am I gonna be sick? I feel sick. But I'm not gonna be sick... I just... need to lay down..." I whisper to myself as I attempt to stumble to my bed. The world looms over me and suddenly I feel very small compared to everything else. I hit the ground with a thud.

***

My eyes have always been an unusual shade of bright purple. When I was younger, Kanae told me it was because my mum ate a bright purple flower when I was in her tummy. That always used to make me laugh. Being born with coloured eyes has become increasingly common nowadays, some people even choose to wear contacts to fit in if they were born with 'normal' eyes. When my thick black eyelashes flutter open, the first thing that my purple pupils see are the brilliant green eyes of Kanroji Mitsuri, streaming with mascara.

"Oh Kocho! Thank goodness you're awake!" She sobs. The girl looks as if she wants to throw herself onto me but instead settles for squeezing my hand gingerly, as if I'm a delicate insect. She reaches over and pushes a button on the wall before turning back to me with a gentle, caring smile on her face.

"The nurses will be here in just a moment, hang on for a-" her words get caught in her mouth when she sees the tears that are pooling in my eyes. That smile she gave me, I know it so, so well. Everything comes back to me. Kanae would smile at me like that whenever I was hurt or sick, she'd hold my hand just like Kanroji is, she'd rub her thumb over my palm the same way Kanroji is...

Two nurses enter the room, one holding a clipboard and the other with her arms crossed.

"Thank you Miss Mitsuri, your parents are waiting for you in the hallway."

Kanroji just nods in reply and picks up her bag. As she leaves, she looks over her shoulder and we make eye contact. I rip my eyes away from hers as the nurse takes the seat next to me that my classmate just left. Suddenly any sliver of comfort that was in the air has vanished.

"So Miss Shinobu, do you know why you are here?" The nurse smiles and seems to be trying to be friendly. I don't reply. I feel like I'm choking on my tongue. The nurse laughs nervously.

"Well, I'll assume that means no. You were found unconscious by Miss Mitsuri who was just in here, she claimed to be paying you a visit to deliver you some homework that you weren't given at school. Does that sound right to you?"

I can't reply. I feel sick again. I attempt to nod my head but a sharp pang of pain in the back of my skull sends a rush of agony throughout my body and i lay still once again.

"Our tests show that your blood pressure dropped dramatically approximately two minutes after you were visited by officers delivering the news of your sisters death. That caused you to faint and hit your head, rendering you unconscious for 4 hours. You were very lucky that Miss Mitsuri found you within the second hour, enabling us to get you the medical attention you needed... emergency care... critical condition... very lucky..."

I gulp. So they know about Kanae... maybe these were the people that failed to save her. Maybe this woman saw her take her last breath. Anger rushes through me, followed by another pang in my head. I need to stay still, god I hate this.

"...and we hope to have you discharged by tomorrow." The nurse finished. My stomach drops. Finally, I managed to speak.

"Where will I go." I croak, my voice hoarse. "I've got no money, I can't pay for the house or food, I'm 16 so no job is gonna pay me enough-"

"We've actually got somewhere for you to go, miss. A young man who knows you well actually offered for you to stay with him and his foster parents temporarily. They have a nice house and will treat you amazingly, as they already do with their foster son now. You're gonna be just fine my love." The nurse smiles reassuringly at me, I'm dumbfounded.

"Who would... offer something like that to me?"

"I'm sure you'll recognise the name Tomiocha Giyuu?"

Hello! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry for all the angst ( ',_ゝ') It's gonna get really fluffy to balance it out soon, I won't spoil anything though! If you're an ObaMitsu shipper, I'm going to be writing an ObaMitsu fic soon so follow and stay tuned for that! Have a great day everyone :)

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