MY SOLACE | Kokonoi Hajime

05

Seishu always like to go back to where it all started. And that's why I'm here standing behind him, watching his peaceful face.

I want to ask him if he enjoyed his day but I know all too well that he didn't. Birthdays never excites him anymore. He thinks that it doesn't worth celebrating as our age increases. He doesn't want to grow faster because he thinks life will be bad to him than ever.

I walked towards him and stood beside him. We both looked at each other, he's so shocked but I ignored that. Instead, I looked up and stared at our tree house when we were younger. There's a lot of happy and painful memories here.

Both of us didn't move from our places. Anticipating each other's move, whether we will enter the tree house that we once called solace, our comfort zone.

"Wanna go up?" I looked at him and offered a hand. He flushed but took my hand anyway. The tree house is old. It's worn out and I could see a few parts of it already falling down. The vines that creeps on the ground climbs by winding itself like support for the tree house. "Careful..." I mumbled when the wooden stair creaked as we go up.

"Koko, it looks dangerous. We might fall-"

"I'm here. I will catch you, Seishu." my grip on his hand tightened as I lead him up to the door of the tree house.

I felt his hand sweat and his hand shakes when we reached the front door. I saw a rusty padlock. And it's locked. "I don't know where the key is." He says.

I didn't think twice and kicked the door open. Seishu gasped dramatically and I can feel his lingering stare. If he's uncomfortable right now, I'll let him go.

"Koko..." his voice broke when we entered our comfort place. It feels the same, the same feeling that we both feel when we first enter this tree house. He made me turn around and we both looked at the engraved heart loop. It's a symbol where a couple before us engraved their love. This tree house is the symbol of their love. "It's still here." he smiled softly. He brought his hand up and his I watched as his fingertips caress the wood, tracing the heart loop.

They said, love never lasts. It is meant to end. No, true love never dies.

"I've read your letter." My gaze turned to his face. And I love the way his beautifully sooty eyelashes flutter.

"How is it?" I gulped. My heart raced and I'm scared that he will hear how much my heart beats whenever I'm with him. And that is the most satisfying thing I've ever feel.

"I didn't expect it to turn like that." He looked down at the floor and kicked a piece of wood. "I was thinking..." He turned to me with such gentle eyes. Seishu was not gentle.  He's rarely soft except for Takemitchy of course.  "Do you truly love me? Or, Do you love me because I'm the one that is here...because I'm the one that you need?"

My lips parted at upon hearing what he said. Why would he think that?  "Seishu, it's nothing like that. I-"

"No, Koko! You only love me because I'm the one who stayed! I know how much you love Akane that, that you left me! I thought parting ways with you will be the best for us! Because Koko..." His lips quiver, jaw clenched like he doesn't want to let out those words. I'll listen to Seishu. I'll understand him. "I let you go because I know how desperate you are to earn money for her when we both know that she's gone!"

He lightly punched my chest as he kept going. "I want you to realize that I'm not Akane, Koko." He whispered. I closed my eyes and inhaled shakily.

"I know that already, baby." I caressed his back softly. "I'm sorry, I've been stubborn." his eyes widened when I leaned down to kiss his forehead.

He leaned his forehead against my chest afterwards. Hiding his face from me. "Koko, where did we go wrong?" He asked, his hushed voice sweet.

It's all my fault why our lives turned this way. It is better for us to stay apart but being together will be the best thing. Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together. I will do everything I can to protect Seishu.

"Happy birthday, baby." I run my fingers through his hair and smiled fondly. His hair is always soft.

"I'll go for crepes right now." He looked up at me like he's trying to say something.

"Let's go, then. I know a place." I winked at him before leading him out of the tree house.

"This place never changed." He commented looking at the crepes stall we always visit after school.

"I bought the crepes I'm sending here." I smirked when he rolled his eyes before ordering crepes for both of us.  "I'll pay." He pouted and nodded.

Then, a girl bowed her head while looking at the menu. I heard coins clicking and I saw how the girl looked at the menu with teary eyes. Her nose is red and there's a kool fever patch on her forehead.

"You know her?" Seishu asked when he caught me staring at the girl. I shook my head. He scanned the girl before asking, "Which one do you want? I'll treat you since it's my birthday!" Seishu grinned.

My eyes widened when I realized it's Ran's girl. She swallowed thickly before saying something but I cut her off. "Do you want this strawberry crepes?" I asked, Ran should thank me!

"Thank you!" Her eyes sparkled, cheeks flushed with a small smile.

We ate the crepes at the playground near the area. Seishu and I were sitting on the strairs of the slide while missy is sitting on one of the swings, trying to hide her face whenever a group of teenagers passes by the playground.

"Are you okay?" I asked when I noticed her hands shake.

Her eyes widened and nodded frantically. "Totally fine!" she says. Seishu raised an eyebrow, he's not convinced. "I-I will ho home now, thank you again!" She says before walking away, clutching the crepes we bought for her.

"Well, I better get going too." My heart sank. I should stay by his side but I know the consequences.

"Seishu..." I breathe out. I don't want to let him go.

"Thank you for spending time with me, Koko!" That's the last words I've ever heard from him. And then, he's gone again and I went back to where I was.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·