Ghosts

5) The Trauma of the Past

It was hard keeping myself busy. I had lost count of the number of times I had tidied up the apartment and spent countless hours mindlessly sitting in front of the TV. The throbbing in my ribs had faded to almost nothing, my head finally felt pain-free.

I stood at the stove, impatiently waiting for the eggs to finish cooking, the rare morning sunlight beaming through the windows and reflecting off the snow outside. I jump when I hear a sharp rap on the door, not expecting the sudden noise. Instinctively, I turn the stove off and pad to the door. Looking through the peephole, my stomach drops. I feel my heart rate begin to pound in my ears, forcing my hand down to open the door as I remember why I am in the apartment to begin with.

I push my nerves down as I muster a smile at the man in front of me,

"Hi, Ronny."

He doesn't speak for a beat, taking in my appearance. The bruise under my left eye was still a faded purple and I still had faint lines around my neck where his slender fingers had grasped it five days earlier. He stammers,

"Kelly...I. Uh... Heard you were discharged a few days ago. I wanted to see how you were doing – He pauses, taking in the incredulous expression that slips through my façade – "I... don't remember much. Mostly Garrett storming in. I'm...sorry, Kelly. That should never have happened. I don't know what I was thinking."

I think about his words, barely catching the flash of animosity in his eyes at the mention of Garrett's name. There's a beat of silence as I contemplate what to say, newfound anxiety beginning to bubble in my stomach. As much as I despise the man standing in the doorway, I had to watch him get sent to prison for the rest of his life.

"It's...okay, Ronny. You could barely walk straight; you were so drunk," I force a chuckle, turning my attention to the floor. I look up as he sighs.

"Thank you, Kelly".

We stand in silence before he turns on his heel and starts to walk away. He calls back just as he reaches the end of the hall, "I expect to see you on Sunday, Kelly".

He disappears around the corner before I have a chance to reply. It takes me a second to remember the deal he's got going down on Sunday, as I spin around and shut the door, and wonder why he would want me there.

By the time Sunday had come around, I hadn't heard from Garrett in days. My anxiety had reached an all-time high; I couldn't shake the anger in Booth's eyes when he had mentioned Garrett's name, and I hadn't had any contact with Rafferty since I was in the hospital. I eventually couldn't take it anymore, my worry for my partner taking over.

Not caring about the deal going down, I jump in the ratty car provided for the assignment and head to where I was meeting Booth in a few hours.

Booth was quick to respond to the pounding at the door, not liking the attention it drew. He pulls me inside one of his many warehouses, no trace of any empathy left on his face.

"What do you think you're doing, Kelly?", he growls.

I ignore his angry stare, not caring about the consequences, "Where's Garrett?".

His face morphs to stone the moment I mention his name, and my stomach sinks to the floor.

"How would I know?", his eyes narrow, before he continues, spitting his words out with a venom I had never heard before, "He's your boyfriend".

I stammer for a second, taken aback by his reaction before my emotions push on,

"I haven't heard from him in days. I presumed he was doing something for you, he said he was taking care of something when I spoke to him last,".

A smirk flashes across his face, and my heart skips a beat. It takes a minute for him to respond, and I begin to wonder whether he is torturing me purposefully.

"I wouldn't have someone like him running errands for me. I wouldn't last long if I did that, would I, Kelly?"

I'm rendered speechless, numbness spreading up my spine as the worst-case scenario begins to play in my head.

"Someone like... that ... would be dealt with. I'm sure, you understand,".

He turns to leave, before calling out over his shoulder,

"Let me know if you hear from him, won't you Kelly".

I'm frozen in place, rattled by the soft but menacing chuckle reverberating off the brick walls. As I turn and stumble back outside, there is only one thought that swims in my brain.

'He knows.'

I mindlessly fiddle with the lock on the car, barely registering my hand on the handle pulling the door open. I am only pulled out of my spiral when I suddenly become aware of several cars creeping up both ends of the road. I eventually recognise the telling signs of the unmarked police cars, having been in many myself spying on unwitting individuals. They come to a stop in front of the warehouse I had just come out of. My brain is slow to register what is going on, Rafferty desperately waving me into the car, wanting to keep my cover intact. I hesitate, wanting to tell him that... Garrett...what Booth had just said to me.

Rafferty's increasing impatience pushes me into the driver's seat, and I drive away as they break down the metal I had walked out of minutes before.

I barely make it through the doors of the apartment before I am overcome with emotion. I sink to the floor, leaning against the wood, not able to contain the sobs that escape my throat, not able to prevent the tears that begin to fall from my eyes.




Present

The tears in my eyes fade away as I hear a bang coming from deep in the warehouse, disturbing me from the painful memories in my head. I freeze, listening intently. Silence echoes around the room, calming my nerves as I shiver. I notice the chill coming off the concrete and the soft moonlight beginning to creep into the room. I eye the ratty material at the end of the mattress, holes and stains covering every inch of the fabric, ultimately deciding to dig through my suitcase for the woolen blanket I had brought to the cabin. I drape the blanket over my shoulders, shrugging the coat off and let it fall onto the edge of the mattress, before I reluctantly lay down on the mattress, using the coat as a pillow. I feel the springs press into my side despite the thick blanket, unable to suppress the yawn as it bubbles up from my chest.

Despite my exhaustion from today's events, I find myself lying there, my mind hyperaware to every sound around me. My brain refuses to stop the thoughts flying around my head, replaying my memories from today.

Eventually, my attention shifts to what I miss. I think of my unit, of Jay, waiting for me to return. I lock the anxiety out, reassuring myself that they would know that something is wrong.

I mutter under my breath, "Jay would... know something's wrong. He's my partner".

I barely notice my heart rate dropping, my eyelids drooping shut, as my consciousness slips away into my dreams.

I'm startled awake, jumping out of my skin, as I cower backwards and lean against the wall. The sound of the door slamming against the wall reverberates against my eardrums. My eyes adjust to the light pouring into the doorway, as I look up to Booth's figure towering above me, a menacing smile plastered on his face.