Midlife // Joji

Eleven

AUTHORS NOTE
Sorry girlies, not a new chapter :( I went through and added a lot more detail to this chapter cause I wasn't happy with it. I've been having a bit of writer's block, but hopefully I'll have a new chapter soon.
<3

December 14, 2018

"Brandi, how the hell am I supposed to put this together?" I looked down at Brandi, she was laying on the couch, completely ignoring me.

There were fake tree branches, ornaments and string lights covering my living room floor.

I was trying to build and decorate a Christmas tree for the first time ever, and I had bitten off more than I could chew.

You wouldn't think a 6ft fake Christmas tree would be so complex, especially since the box claimed it was 'easy as one, two, three!' But I have news for you, it's not.

I've never celebrated Christmas with trees, gifts, carols and movies. Growing up we had a family meal before attending midnight mass on Christmas Eve. Then woke up Christmas morning, ate breakfast that was prepared by my mom, my sisters and I, then we put on our best dresses and went back to church. No big exciting celebration, no fun memories made.

Actually, one Christmas Day, the Gilligan boy from down the road got his big head stuck in the support beam under a pew. My dad had to saw the pew in half to free him. I still don't know what was funnier, the annoying Gilligan boy crying like a baby or dad yelling at him for not being able to sit still.

I plopped down on the floor, leaning my back up against the couch and looking at the tv. I had put on the grinch, the cartoon version. I've never seen it before, but Judy said it was a cute movie and that I should watch it. She also said the movie My Girl was cute, so I'm not sure why I'm taking movie recommendations from her again.

I watched the green furry man frump around the screen. I almost felt bad for him, he was completely alone except for his dog who he was constantly talking to.

I turned my head and looked to Brandi, who was already looking at me pitifully. I couldn't help but draw a connection.

I grabbed the remote and turned off the movie, maybe The Grinch wasn't the movie to cheer me up.

I looked around the room at the huge mess I had made, not to mention the kitchen was also a mess from my attempt to make Christmas cookies, which was also not the way to cheer me up.

The past few months have been dull.

Everyday I wake up, eat breakfast, walk Brandi, check and see if Judy needs help with anything, but usually she doesn't. Then for the rest of the day I struggle to find something to do. I tried learning to knit, but I hated every minute of it. I also tried reading, but I can't help but get lost in my thoughts after reading only a couple sentences. I tried to get into baking but then I was left with 2 dozen cupcakes I had to find something to do with.

I have successfully started exercising almost everyday. Somehow, I haven't lost any weight at all, but it does help me sleep better. So, I think I'll stick with it for a while.

I stopped going to the bar Carlos worked at. After the night he had to bring me home I could just tell things were no longer the same between us. I had gotten so used to his passive aggressive attitude that when I showed up the next time and he was being kind to me, I knew it was out of pity.

I still haven't spoken to George since he yelled at me, which was about three months ago. His album did really well when it dropped. I wanted to reach out and congratulate him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not sure if I should miss him, but I do. I miss him all day, everyday.