legit just a book full of dumb stuff

vent chapter lmao..

TW ; mentions of SH , $u1c1d3 , and tons of more :<

I hate this sm i'm tired of  thinking im not good enough for my 2 partners i just wanna run away from this so badly , am i even good enough for my bf at this point im so scared to love bc ill fuck it up w/my jealously or vent dumps , i cant do this anymore im so stressed out 

i just wanna die for all i care , plus no one would even care whats the point anyways its not like someone crying will fix it , i feel so bad bc i only have 3 ppl i trust im so scared they'll leave me bc their my bsfs , and its like im so scared when someone goes "i love you so much" or if someone ask me to date them :( 

its always them b4 myself , i cant even look in the mirror w/out crying bc i feel like im not good looking enough or if i did something to fuck something i just wanna be perfect , im so scared to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing , dude just wtf is wrong w/me ive been 5 months clean of sh but...i feel like i harm myself everyday , i DO harm myself everyday but..its just the sh that ... im not even special , i dont even know what love is anymore i just wanna die please just let me die i cant do this anymore i cant 

im not even good enough for my partners im tired of thinking that i just wish they would let me go already they need some1 so much better.. :<