Best Friends?

Our First Fight

Mazy

I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have told him, but I also know that if I wouldn't have, he would have found out and been even more angry with me.

I knew he was going to be mad, but this is ridiculous. He dragged me back to the car, took the keys from me, didn't tell me where he was going, and now we're in front of Liam's door. He couldn't have called him, he couldn't have waited until Monday, he had to make a scene.

"Luke, please," I begged, "I kissed him. This wasn't his fault!"

His angered expression turned to me, "I don't care. He let it happen, and that is not okay with me."

"Listen to yourself!" I screamed at him, "This is stupid, Luke! You know this is bull. He did nothing! If you're going to be mad, be mad at me."

"I am mad at you!" he yelled in reply, "That doesn't mean you're the one I'm going to take it out on."

"Do it! Yell at me. Tell me how much it hurt you, say just how you feel about me kissing him. I'll take it if it means you won't get yourself in trouble."

"You're just trying to protect him..." His voice dropped low, showing me just how much control he has over his anger towards me. "I will not take this out on you. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never blame you for anything, no matter what you did."

I shook my head slowly. "You can't promise yourself something like that, Andy. Be mad at me, its not healthy for a couple not to fight. All it will do is make us stronger. I understand why you're mad at me, you have the right. Please, just walk away from this. Handle it in a different way. Talk to him after you've had time to cool off."

My words were only making him angrier. I could tell by the way the pace of his chest rising and falling increased. He kept balling his hands into fists and tensing his jaw.

Luke had always had a temper, but I'd never seen it directed towards anything I did. Maybe that's why I was freaking out inside. Of course, I deserved it, so I didn't want him to know that I was having a conniption in my head.

"Fine," he snapped, "How could you? Why? Why did you kiss him?! If you loved me the entire time, why did you do it? I can't believe you would do something like this to me! I don't even have the words to describe how hurt I am by this! I just... I don't understand. You've never dated anyone else in your life, for eighteen years you have never been with anyone. I wanted to be the only one you'd ever kissed. The only one you'd ever have that connection with, and now... it's not possible."

Tears filled my eyes as I whispered, "Don't you think I know how you feel?"

His eyes narrowed at me. "I know I've been a jerk, but this-"

"Don't you dare say what I did was worse than how you've treated me..." I interrupted, suddenly finding the bitterness of our situation. "You have been with several girls other than me. I waited for you to come to your senses. You, however, went and dated half of the sluts in school. You don't get to tell that me kissing Liam was the worst possible thing that could've happened to our relationship because for one, I did it before we even had a relationship, two, I didn't do it in front of you, and three, I happen to know that while I am still a virgin, the vivid memory of me crying my eyes out from when you told me you slept with Stacy Winters, is still fresh in my mind. You have broken my heart more times than I can count. If you're willing to end it because of me breaking yours once, then what has this entire friendship been to you? Because that makes it sound like such a joke. Grow up, Luke Andrew. Everything is not about you."

"Not about me?!" Here we go... "No, you're right. Nothing is about me. I've always put you before me, my parents always work before me, my friends always put other plans before me, and now you're putting Liam before me. I'm used to it. That's fine."

"No! That is not what I am doing! You're making this entire thing about you and your problems! I'm sorry I kissed him, I'm sorry our friends have friends other than us, I'm sorry that your parents can't be responsible enough to make time in their schedule for you, but one thing that you just said that it not true, is me putting someone else before you. You have always been more important than anything in my life. You always will be. I've always put you first, and I never asked you to put me first in your life. I've never complained about anything you have done to me or for me. This entire time, I have been hurting and denying every single tear that threatened to fall, but I will not let you say that stuff and get away with it when you've done that and more to me."

The last sentence came out as quietly as possible without my intention. It was getting dark, but I could see his eyes soften from across the porch.

As he made his way toward me, the tears poured out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

"No, no, no..." he whispered, "This can't be happening, I told myself I'd never make you cry ever...and I've done it more times in the past few months than I think I've ever seen you cry in your life..." His hands were all over my face, my arms, my hair. He pulled me into his chest, and I let the waterworks continue, knowing feeling his arms around me would help, no matter how mad or upset I was with him. But I did not return his comforting gesture.

"Sshhh, baby, please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that, you know how I am when I'm mad. I'm sorry for doing all of this to you. I didn't know how much I'd hurt you. I promise, I will do anything to make you feel better right now. I'll talk to Liam later, I'll talk to my Dad, I'll do whatever you want. Please, please, princess, just tell me what you need."

Suddenly, he bent to his knees in front of me and pressed his forehead to my stomach. "I am so sorry..." His voice cracked, and I knew then that if I didn't say something to him, he would hate himself for the rest of his life.

"Luke," I answered finally, "Get up, stop begging, please. I've already forgiven you, and I don't know why I brought that up."

"No, I deserved it. Everything you said was true, and I need to apologize for that." He looked up at from his kneeling position with wet eyelashes and tear stains leaving trails down his face. "I felt terrible every time I was with someone else. I was trying to get you to say something, to yell at me and tell me how much you love me. Now I know that I should've just told you, and I am so sorry. I love you so much, please don't leave me, Mazy. I can't lose you."

"I'm not leaving you," I reassured, "I will never leave you no matter how much of an idiot you are. I love you too much to ever leave you..."

He stood then. "Good because I'm selfish enough to take advantage of that and never let you leave."

With a sigh, I kissed his lips and pressed my forehead to his and said, "Can we go home now?" He nodded slowly.

After he opened the door for me, he got inside and took us back to my house, holding my hand the entire silent ride.