The Book of Random Cuz Why Not

Twenty Two

Holy mother fuck HAH
I'm going to cry
HAHA
Let's get to it
You should know that I'm such a hopeless romantic
I will eat anything romance related up I've always wanted to experience romance or something cute
Exposing myself...I've never been in a relationship
Never really ever talked to someone at least like really wanted something out of it
No talking stages or anything
Especially to my crushes or anything no that has never happened babes
I've always avoided anything romance related which seriously is so ironic and contradicts the hopeless romantic in me
The thing is I just like the idea of love as I know others do too cuz love is a lot of work babes pfft
Like I'm very aware of this right now
I'M HARD AT WORK ATM
but I'll get to that later
So with my previous limiting beliefs in love which I've concluded is the reason I've always strayed away from it plus my internal struggle with love due to childhood family problems pfft but this isn't a trauma dump
Gross
Anyways enough of that, let's get into it :))
So it all started in mid/late January or early February when I started like showing interest in this one guy in my psych class
Here's the thing I actually didn't like him at all HAH when I found out we were in the same class,
Oh babe let's say I wasn't thrilled
He's a senior, graduating in like a week now  
I'm a junior ofc I said that in my last update pfft
So yes backstory I actually did not like him the previous school year
He was the new guy in his grade last year and I'm not going to lie...I was very attracted to him the moment I saw him cuz
He is cute
He is attractive
And aware of it too HAHA
Self aware king 🙄
But he definitely made an impression as the new guy in town in my friend group to say the least HAHA but I won't get into that
I actually think he's changed and matured
At least better than last year my lawd
Otherwise I wouldn't be here writing this update
Back to what I was saying before getting sidetracked as I always do
Some time during January or February I was like yo he's kinda cute
I was always aware he was but here's the thing ok I've sat next to him the whole school year in our psych class
But I can't tell u how many times I've looked at him
Not in the way I've looked at him so many times
No
I've always avoided looking at him
I knew I'd probably start liking him so...
But here we are haha
But here's where the seed was planted
At the beginning of the school year actually
He added me on snapchat and I was like um
Why ew HAH
I was a bit like huh why would he add me
But I was like yeah ok whatever add him back cool cool whatever
I've kept a streak with him since then
232
As of right now
crazy how many days it's been and school year almost over?? Again?
Anyways I specifically remember the first thing he's ever said to me which was on snap
It read,
"Happy birthday"
I was like oH-
Thank uuu :))
I was just like taken aback like why thank u
didn't expect that at all
Then time past to his birthday and I was like oh it's his birthday
Lemme return that happy birthday
And I did
Cuz reciprocation babes <3
Again whatever like cool cool
Time goes on
I've warmed up to him
I didn't hate him or dislike him anymore HAH
So let's skip to January/ February
The first conversation I've ever had with him
Again on snap,
Was this long ass 2 day drawn out one about...
Pocky
I repeat
We had a conversation about Pocky
Delectable snack HAHA
And then I was like wtf did I just have a convo with this guy?
About a Japanese snack?
I sent a snap of pocky cuz I was eating it and that was what sparked the convo
Anyways again I was like yeah ok whatever
By this time I was having a time of getting over my old crush but also not because I was trying to manifest a date with him to a school dance HAHA not the point
Anyways,
That dance comes into play later

So I'm actively manifesting a completely different  guy
Let's call him L
HAH
Ugh L
Anyways,
I clearly failed as nothing happened
So oh well whatever...I moved on quick Ha

A week or two before the school dance,
I really looked and glanced at this guy sitting next to me in psychology,
And I'm like wait hold on
I know I found you cute and all but
I didn't expect you to be this cute
haha
Ugh god
Whatever again skip to the school dance
That I looked amazing at by the way
I never say that but it was the first time in my seventeen years of living
Where I felt so good about myself HAHA
I was like damn I'm hot
So I was just strutting my stuff that night
It was boring but I enjoyed
It felt like a fever dream
Strangely though,
Getting sidetracked again
Two of my classmates
Both guys
I've also been going to school with them since fifth grade so I knew them
They asked me to recreate a picture we took on eighth grade graduation and I was like uhhh sure
But here's the thing I had a crush on these two guys in middle school HAH
One of them blonde and blue eyed was fifth and seventh grade crush
The other brown hair and brown eyed
Huge eighth crush crush
And it was just so weird
The feeling of familiarity, being with them was so weird
Idk I wonder how my younger self would have felt
She'd literally be shitting her pants
Anyways back to the school dance,
I saw the guy at the dance for the first time that night and had to do a double take babes
When I tell you that night changed everything
It changed everything
And I'm gonna admit it
It was his hair
His hair made me really go
"Wow I am attracted to you even more now"
No cuz you don't understand it was so good HAHA
So nice and swept back but still like fluffy cuz he had long hair
God it was so good anyways
Being the bad bitch I was, I told him
That his hair looked really good that night and ok fine I wasn't that much of a bad bitch
I told him that through snap
But that's a step for me as I never do that
I just had the urge to tell him that you know
I didn't really think much of it
I was just like yeah nice hair I agree with it you should do it more ;)
He said he would try and he didn't lie
He did do it again
On one fine Wednesday morning
I was like ohhh hold on you actually did it <33
Anyways that was the catalyst that started this whole thing and reason why I'm writing this right
Instead to going to bed