The Way I Feel

5. Late Night Wishes.

~•~ LEO ~•~

Thirteen years ago...

Felix is a jerk.

He's the reason I'm so sad all the time. He makes fun of me for being smaller than all the other kids. He thinks that just because he's bigger than me, it means that he can step all over me. Along with all his idiot friends. It's not fair.

It just isn't. How come I'm so small and he's not? How come he's got to make fun of me for it? If I were big like him I wouldn't pick on the littler kids. He's just being mean. That's all. But it still hurts. It still makes me want to cry when he looms over me, his friends surrounding me so I can't run away.

It's scary too.

And today is no different.

It started off ok. I don't like school all that much, I haven't really got that many friends. No one likes hanging around the weird kid Felix likes to pick on. But dad made pancakes for breakfast, so I was in a good mood when he dropped me off at school. Plus, he gave me the biggest, bestest hug. He doesn't listen when I say I'm too old for it, but I think he knows I secretly enjoy them.

I was still smiling when Mrs Nelson started our first lesson. It was math, which made everybody else sulk, but I didn't. I love math. And Mrs Nelson knows it. She says I'm smarter than a fifth grader at least. I just think she's crazy. I mean she looks pretty crazy, with her big glasses and funky outfits. Mom and dad say she's gay. Whatever that is. I think it's cool though. It must be why she's so fun.

I was still smiling later on in the day when the lunch bell rang. It was sunny out, not raining like it usually does. I was excited to go outside and sit under my tree. My tree is special, because it's mine. No one else's. It's old. Like super old. But it's pretty too. I think it's an oak tree, or at least that's what Mrs Nelson says.

The grass is nice and soft beneath me when I sit down at the base of the tree, watching as all the other kids talk and play. A small part of me wishes they'd talk and play with me too. But then I see Felix coming towards me with his friends, and I'm reminded why that will never happen.

Felix stops when he's standing right in front of me, smirking down at me as I push further into the bark of the tree, my hands scraping over the rough surface as I try to get away. I'm too slow though. Felix's hand shoots out, his grip tight on my wrist. So tight I have to bite back a whine. I usually wouldn't bother, but this is Felix. And Felix would only enjoy it if I did. 

"What's up loser?" I wince when he tugs on my wrist, my other hand grasping at the ground. I'm not strong enough though. Felix easily hauls me up off the ground until I'm standing, my wrist still aching from his fingers tightening around it.

I'm used to him doing stuff like this. He likes to drag me around, usually by applying a bruising grip to my forearm or my wrist, he and his friends taunting me for not being able to keep up with them. It's because my legs are so much smaller than theirs. I don't see what's so funny about it really, but it makes them laugh a lot. Although I've noticed Felix's friends only laugh if he laughs.

"Aww, can't keep up?" Felix taunts me, followed by his friends as he runs in circles, forcing me to take step behind him because if I don't, it'll hurt a lot more. I learned the first time that it's easier this way.

"Have you grown Leo? You're faster today." Felix stops running, smirking as he pulls on my wrist until I'm forced to stand on my tippy toes. This just makes him laugh more, but I don't think it's funny. It makes my wrist burn, and I have to hold my breathe so I don't groan in pain.