Kenma thought about Kuroo all day. He forgot about his school things, and he even called his Valorant teammates "Kuroo" by accident. He couldn't get him off his mind and he hated himself for that. He knew Kuroo preferred Tsukkishima over him.
"I love...no, that's bullshit. Life is also bullshit. Everything is bullshitt", he mumbled and drew little stickmen in his diary. "Cat stickman..." He smiled. "Cat stickman." Kenma drew little cat ears on the stickman's head. "Cute. Like Kuroo...no, Kenma, don't think that. This is weird. It's nonsense." He nervously clicked with his pen. "dear diary...what the fuck, nah, that's cringe af. Anyways, I seriously need to start thinking about anything else but Kuroo. And I need to start getting my shit together myself."
He closed his diary and yeeted it across his room. "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, RETARD", he shouted at himself. "HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. WHEN WILL MY BRAIN FINALLY ACCEPT THAT..." He tried regulated breathing to calm himself down, sighed and walked to his open window to light up a cigarette. "Sorry for disappointing y'all", he said quietly and smoked his cig.
The one cigarette became two cigarettes. And the two cigarettes became a whole pack. And the few sad minutes became hours. It was already night, about 11 pm or something, when Kenma realised he had no cigarettes left anymore. He felt like throwing up. In that condition, he couldn't sleep anyway. So he sat down on his bed, overthinking about Kuroo. He picked up his diary from the floor. "Dear diary. Kuroo never loved me." After writing this in the most unreadable handwriting ever, he yeeted the diary back to where it came from. "He never really loved me...", he mumbled. "Why does he prefer Tsukki? Is it his looks, his personality? He's probably smarter than me. And he looks more masculine. And he's got a nice body... I look disgusting. My body is disgusting. All those scars on my arms and legs, my stupid face due to poor skin care. My hair I haven't washed in days. My stomach, my thighs... Ew. Disgusting", the boy thought to himself. "Kuroo might visit again tomorrow anyways. Or he'll hang out with Tsukki again. We'll see."
is it me reflecting my experiences of "love" with my ex? MAYBEEEE- that woman was cruel, but I was more cruel to myself at this point lol
YOU ARE READING
//why...?//
Fanfictionsome angsty shit for people who want their mental health to be fucked. trigger warnings for self harm, alcohol, swearing, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder, and some more fucked up shit my dumbass brain thinks of
