Endless affection

Chapter twenty two

Mariah's pov:

It's been a week since Marcus has been gone.

I haven't gone to the empire,I haven't checked the shipment's.

And I haven't even gotten out of bed to go downstairs and eat something.

I haven't changed my clothes since 5 days ago, I need a shower,my hair is greasy.

Yet, I still lay here in my now uncomfortable bed running through the many scenarios in my head.

If I could have been there sooner.

If It would have been me rather him.

The thought of my only family member left being shot and killed right infront of my eyes sends shivers down my spine.

I groan flipping onto my right side opening the side tables drawer,getting my diary that I haven't written in since I was god knows how old.

I grab the pen that I always kept intact on the front of the booklet and start writting my thoughts down on the cream colored note.

I haven't done this in quite awhile. God I feel so guilty, like it's all my fault. I feel as if there was something I could have done but I failed to do it when I should have. I failed as a sister,a daughter, a friend, I failed everyone and everything I can possibly think of. I'm so unbelievably sorry, I am so sorry that I can't even think straight without the feeling of guilt and numbness rushing over my body. I haven't done anything for myself or anybody else. I can't, I just can't do this without my big brother. My mother left, my father was killed, and now my brother was killed in front of me, I'll be damned if I let anyone else I care for get hurt because of me. - Mariah.

I set my pen back on the front of the book closing it and setting it back in my drawer.

Knock knock

"Mars? It's me Dani can I come in love?" Danika's voice sounded through the door making me sit completely up.

"Come in" I reply opening the other side of the blanket for her to sit down.

I sit there awkwardly fittiling with my locket that Marcus had gifted me for my birthday all those years ago.

In it holding a picture of young Marcus holding a baby me. On the two side's of the couch our Father and Mother stood there smiling like their life's depended on it.

I'm lifted out of my thoughts when a soft hand is brushed on my arm.

I look over at Danika who is holding a sympathetic look on her face while rubbing her hand up and down my arm.

I lean over to her as she now cradles me in her chest while running circles on my back with her hand.

"I'm sorry Mars.. This is not your fault okay? None of this is your fault at all so please do not feel guilty about this." She stops talking and pauses all her movements.

She speaks again.

"I want to give you something, I won't need it back so you can keep it. It helped me through my darkest times when nobody was there. And I know you have people who are here for you but just in case you aren't ready to open up." She say's before rushing out of the room.

Soon enough she came back with a panda bear stuffed animal who was holding a big Purple Heart in its hands.

She walks over to me and hands it to me.

"Leonix gifted it to me a while back. He said it was his when he was a baby and he didn't need it anymore so he handed it down to me when he noticed I was struggling. And now, I notice you're struggling so I want to gift it to you. I know it's not much and you can refuse to take it if you want but I just thought I'd be a nice sister." She said looking down at her feet as she waited for a response.