Bye I guess... (Lashton One Shot)

Part 2

Luke's POV:

"The first time I saw Ashton was on the first day of school, most wouldn't have noticed him, it was pretty obvious he wanted to be left alone what with his all black clothes and the fact that he was hidden in a corner, but I couldn't help but notice him. I couldn't help but notice how pretty he looked with his eyes shut tight, head to the sky, his mouth slightly open as he let out soft breaths while mouthing the tune to some random song. My first though was how the hell and I going to get anywhere near that guy?

I'm sure you all know the story by now, some stupid bullies were picking on me for my glasses and Ashton being the amazing person he is saves the day, but what you didn't know is what happened after. He had invited me to watch the movie with him, of course I was an idiot to say no, so that's how I found myself sitting next to an amazingly hot guy I had a crush on since day one. At the end of the movie I hiked up my skirt and asked him for him number, (surprisingly he gave it to me) after that we texted day in and day out. Thing were going great.

The next few year had passed by in a blur of make-out sessions, cute little dates, opening shows, interviews, and just plain craziness; I wish I had truly savored those moments....

God damn I wish I would have just taken a second and stopped, because fùck Ashton if I would have stopped I would have seen sooner! I would have seen how their words hurt you, I would have seen the look you got whenever that stupid beard came over, I would have fùcking seen! It's not like it was hard it was right in front of my face, staring me in the eyes and I was to hyped up on the adrenalin of being famous to even take a second to see it!

I was selfish and stupid and I can't even say sorry for it, I can't go up to you and hold you close and tell you everything will be all right, that it's okay I love you, because you're gone! I can't kiss your lips, or see your dimples etch themselves into the side of your face as you smile, Jesus Christ why did you have to leave?! We were supposed to have a life together, everything was going to work out, but because of my stupid mistakes that'll never happen! I don't want to be told to move on, or to forget about you, I want to remember you because that's all I have left to savor!

At least now I know how you felt, I know what you meant when you said it was like walking down the street and seeing everyone else breathing and wishing you could do the same. The best way I can describe it is like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. When she's reaching out trying to grab the different floating object trying to stop the inevitable from happening, yet as she falls deeper and deeper she gives up, she just stops trying. That's the point I'm at, there's no point in putting a big smile on your face when everyone around you knows that it's all a lie... And I often wonder if this is what you felt like? If this sickening feeling of darkness followed her around too, lurking like a shadow of death around a cancer patient.

People think depression is about being sad .They think it's just when you 'feel down'. It's not, it's like a darkness that creeps over you and fills you. It drains all your emotions. It takes everything from you, and leaves you feeling hollow and numb. It's not sadness, it's not anger, it's hopelessness. Imagine waking up and there being no colour. Walking outside and feeling no wind. Eating a meal and tasting nothing. Holding someone and feeling completely alone at the same time. When you're depressed, its not a bad mood. It's a numb empty, hollowness that seems to never leave. It's feeling alone in a room full of people. You feel like there's no hope left, and I'm sorry but my hope left the day you did, because Aston Irwin I love you! You adorable, giggling dork I love you and I don't know how to stop"

With shaky hands I folded up my paper, I held onto the podium for a while trying to conjure up the energy to walk back to my seat. I let my glaze shift slightly upwards at the sad teary eyed faces that filled the room. I took one last glace at the casket, he looked peaceful... His face was blank and if I imagined hard enough I could just convince myself that he's sleeping, but the unnaturally pale skin and ice cold hands gave it away. As I made my way back to my seat I could faintly hear a man talking, "Thank you Luke... Ashton's mother would like to say a few words now..."

Everything started to spin around me, I couldn't be here any longer, it was all becoming too difficult. I pushed the heavy doors of the funeral home with a hard shove, hands tried to pull me back inside, I pulled my arm away harshly and broke into a sprint. My feet pounded against the hard concreate sidewalk as I ran, the cool night air whipped at my face and stung my eyes, my lungs struggled to gasp in air but I kept running out of pure adrenalin. I ran and ran until I reached my destination, the lake.

It looked just like it did on our first date; the stars were shining mockingly above, the moon aluminate the lake it's like I had never left. I took off my shoes liking the feeling of damp grass against my bare feet. I quietly made my way to the middle of the large stretch of grass, I ignored the feeling of water seeping through my black dress shirt as I lied down. My hands rested on my chest, I could feel the steady rise and fall, but my heart was beating in my ears hard and fast. I closed my eyes and just imagined that he was there again, holding my hand in his once again as we just forgot the world around us and for this brief moment in time everything was back to

Sorry that took so long... oops... btw I totally didn't copy that whole thing from my english assignment whatttttttt.... shhhhh don't tell!

Anyways this is the last part because I don't trust myself to keep Luke alive... So yeah once again vote, comment all that jazz and have a wonderful day my lovlies

One other thing, please tell me if you think I should write more stuff because my mind is full of ideads, k byeeee (I guess... hehehe title reference)

-Nicole😋