Something Real In Hell

Diary Entry #4 No progress

I moved into the the library and I've read around thirty books non-fiction, sci-fi, philosophical. Most of them had a chapter or more of being suspended in time, but there wasn't much worth mentioning. Everything was completely and utterly useless. The only information I have found so far was how most devices wouldn't function and how horrific it would be to be stuck in time. Obviously, I already knew that!!! I just want things to go back to how they used to be! I don't care if my parents fight or if Mila never likes me back! It doesn't even matter anymore because I'm stuck in this state of practically non-existence!!!

I've been so bored that I've just started counting. It won't actually give me a real sense of time, whatever that is, but maybe I'll actually have some type of distraction from my descent into madness. I keep getting angry without warning and my ears have been constantly ringing. If time isn't moving, then sound waves aren't either. I don't want to think about everything that happened before all this. There's nothing else to do except let my concious decay. I don't want to forget, but what else can I do? I would've been complaining to Mila or even crying to her about this, but she's not able to speak or hear me, at least I would assume so. What did I even do to deserve this? I'm not a good person, I know that much, but I haven't done anything that would warrant this type of absolute suffering. I just want to go back, but that's obviously not going to happen anytime soon, whatever that's supposed mean. If somebody were to be the cause this I bet they would be enjoying themselves right now. Whoever that is, if there is anybody doing this and seeing this, I hope you're feeling proud of yourself right now.