Chapter 5

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The next night took forever and a half to reach me. It was one of those hot blistering days in Texas and I spent most of my day cleaning the house and making food for tonight. Secretly I was stressed out, but I wouldn't give Ryan the satisfaction of having that much of a mental hold on me. That would be.... Well weak.

They came around 5:30 and I was still in between deciding what outfit I should wear when I heard the door bell and the introductions. I cursed and threw on the first thing I chose (of course it was the first) and observed myself in the mirror carefully.

The red sun dress complimented my mildly tanned skin and blond-ish hair well. My hair had been hastily braided down my shoulder and if you looked closely you could tell I was wearing a hint of makeup. Normally I don't bother because I have clear skin and rather dark lashes, but tonight you could tell I was wearing a hint of a rosy pink on my cheeks and some shimmery clear lip gloss with mascara. My mom called to me. I looked at myself and took a breath mystified by how nervously excited I was.

His parents were attractive for being in their forties, much like my own parents. They insisted I call them by their first names, Patrick and Gina. I smiles politely and my mom led them into the dining room, but Ryan and I lingered a second longer.

"Cassie," he began his eyes doing that boy thing where they start from the bottom and linger a bit too long in the middle, then look up into your eyes. He smiled a started to talk again a hidden blush on my cheeks,"you look stunning."

I smile,"You-you don't look so bad yourself," I say a bit timidly, grinning like a little girl in church.

We walk side by side into the dining room and I give up on all my intuition of resisting the butterfly feeling he gives me, and look across the table at him and wonder that maybe this will work.
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((I wanted to update, don't worry the rest of the chapter is coming! Keep reading, voting, and commenting your thoughts!:D thanks sm -Mel))

The night went quickly, and it went perfectly, until about 8:00. Ryan and I were sitting on the porch, not too close but not too far. We were talking about music and school, I learned he goes to the Catholic school out side of the city, and that he moved closer to the city for his dad's job. We were laughing watching the sun set and the air around us cool off. When we heard our fathers argument.

They were arguing about politics, something about his dad wanting to threaten succession if the gay marriage law was passed and my dad disagreeing. I was shocked my passive dad would ever argue on a topic like that (emphasis on the argue part). His dad left the table and his mom followed thanking my mother, they both apologized to each other for the scuffle.

I'm frozen, because Ryan is nearly being dragged off of the porch by his dad. I look at him and he mumbles shame faced, "Bye, Cassie..." And I storm into the house to confront my dad.

Furiously I look at him my eyes burning. "Why'd you have to screw it up?! Do you even love me?" I storm up the stairs surprising myself by how mad I was. Did I really like Ryan that much that I would get mad at my dad for an argument? I slam the bathroom door and turn the water in the shower on to hotter that what should be humanly bearable. I rip my hair out of it's braid and slip out of my dress and into the flaming water. I cry then.

I cry for a lot reasons, one being the water is too hot but I'm a proud person and won't turn it down, I cry for myself mostly, because all I have gone through has led to this moment. I can't put every piece together but it all adds up somewhere and it's shattering to realize that your life might just have purpose.

My phone buzzes, probably Ryan. I can't face him now, maybe ever...I wonder how many minutes have ticked by me, and sourly I laugh to myself. Some where people are making love, another person is giving birth, another is dying, another is fighting for their life, and yet more are just doing daily routines. All of our stories intertwine but we don't know each others life. It's amazing but frustrating.

Why should they have happiness when you can't? Would should you feel bad when they are suffering more than you are? Why should you care? Why shouldn't you care? What's it all mean? Why is this the path my life took?

My thoughts swim and I'm nauseous, I can't feel the raw skin on my backs and shoulders, there's soap dripping into my eyes, I must have shampooed my hair... I think I might throw up and I I grab the shower curtain. It rips and my bare shin hits the toilet and I cry out, or maybe that was in my head? Staggering I get out and grab a towel -dirty or not- and swing it around myself. Not bothering decency I walk out limping trying to hold off the new round of tears that threatens me.

Slowly I walk into my room and lock the door, checking my phone I see 3 missed calls from Ryan. I hesitate and drop my phone back on my bed. Dressing myself quickly I pull out a journal looking for some type of inspiration or story to continue. I stumble across a short essay I wrote when Ariana was battling her fight with cancer. I look at my scrawling hand writing reading it with revelation.

"Emily Dickenson said "hope is a thing with wings, and it perches in the branches of the soul" you can always look at that statement th way most prefer to understand it as: hope will always be with you. But a select few, the realists, will read it and understand it the way the depressed poet meant: that hope is only with you in the calm, in the sunshiny days, but on days when it's dark and stormy in life, it'll take flight and find another, safer place to stay. But like migrating birds, it always comes back to where it belongs."

It wasn't the best thing I ever wrote, but have you ever heard the saying "it's the thought that counts?" Ya that's why I never revised it because there are no better words to explain how I felt when I wrote that. Does that make any sense?

I'm nearly sleeping when my phone buzzes, I glance at the clock it's 3 am. I forget momentarily about the nights events and grab my phone seeing Ryan's name on the screen I answer it slowly. "H-hello?" I murmur worried he's mad at me or that he will be upset.

"Oh great Cas," my heart jumps a little, he called me Cas, he's happy I answered, he's been waiting to talk to me, "come outside."

"Wait what?" I grab a jacket already pulling it on awkwardly trying to hold the phone to my ear at the same time. I grab a pair of sandals while he asks me to trust him. I comply and sneak down my stairs slipping into the chilly air. He's standing there like he never left and I'm mildly self conscious of my appearance, my hair and clothes are drab and sad compared to him looking so fab. ((SORRY I COULDN'T RESIST))

He smiled and I smiled back. I thought back to our conversation where we had both eventually confessed that we liked each other. He grinned, them his face fell a bit, "I'm sorry my dad was such a jerk, he calmed down he plans to apologize tomorrow but doesn't like your dad..." I nodded slowly.

"My dad can get a bit excessive when he has an opinion, I didn't really talk to him though..." I confess quietly and he steps towards me closing the distance and I want him to reach out and hug me, but I know my some what organized thoughts would be sent into a frenzy at his soft touch.

"It's okay, I wasn't too happy myself, I never got a chance to do this." My heart flutters a little as he brushes away my hair, and my mind is blank. I forget everything I've ever read about what to do when a boy kisses you, which way do I tilt my head?! I close my eyes right? Suddenly the soft touch of his lips on mine cuts off all the thoughts.

My natural instinct takes over and then just like that, it's over. My thoughts stay absent and the only thing I'm aware of are his eyes, deep blue in the dark stare down into mine. My hand is limp at my side while his hold my waist not letting me move away. We grin at each other and he smiles. "I will still be picking you up at 7 then?" His voice is soft and I wonder why he chose me.

"Yea... I think that'd be good," I answer shyly and he hugs me quickly.

"Get back to bed, Cas." I nod up at him and on total coincidence I yawn and he chuckles. "Goodnight, Cassie." He walks to his bicycle and I smile quietly.

I walk slowly to my room, being careful and quiet not to wake my parents. My smile follows me into sleep. He rode his bike, who knows how far to kiss me, not to mention at 3 in the morning. I quietly chuckle, silly boy must really like me.

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