Vatican Cameos (A BBC Sherlock Fanfiction)

21. Meat Dagger

RECEPTION.
***************

"Private Bainbridge had just come off guard duty. He'd stood there for hours, plenty of people watching, nothing apparently wrong. He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead from a wound in his stomach, but there was no weapon. Where did it go? Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this: a murderer who can walk through walls, a weapon that can vanish – but in all of this there is only one element which can be said to be truly remarkable. Would anyone like to make a guess?" Says Sherlock, still giving the speech.

The guests fidget and look at each other.

"Come on, come on, there is actually an element of
Q &A to all of this." He says.

He clears his throat. Still the guests remain silent.

"Scotland Yard." Says Sherlock

Greg lifts his head.

"Have you got a theory?"

Greg stares at him blankly.

"Yeah, you. You're a detective – broadly speaking. Got a theory?"

"Er, um, if the, uh, if the, if-if-if, if the blade was, er, propelled through the, um ..." Stammers Greg and stops to think for a moment

"... grating in the air vent ... maybe a-a ballista or a – or a – or a catapult. Erm, somebody tiny could-could crawl in there."

He sucks in a breath.

"So, yeah, we're loo... we're looking for a-a-a-a dwarf."

Sherlock is staring at him blankly.

"Brilliant." He says.

"Really?" Asks Greg.

"No."

Greg sighs and lowers his head.

"Next!" Says Sherlock.

"He stabbed himself." Whispers Tom, talking to Molly.

"Hello? Who was that?" Asks Sherlock, hearing Tom's voice.

Tom looks round, wide-eyed.

"Tom." Says Sherlock.

Grimacing, Tom slowly stands up.

"Got a theory?" Asks Sherlock.

Tom sways nervously from foot to foot for a moment.

"Um ... attempted suicide, with a blade made of compacted blood and bone; broke after piercing his abdomen ... like a meat ... dagger." He says, tentatively.

A couple of the guests snigger. Sitting beside Tom, Molly's face is a picture of disbelief. She may be reconsidering her marriage options. At the top table, Sherlock's expression also speaks volumes.

"A meat dagger." Says Sherlock.

"Yes." Says Tom.

"No"

"Sit. Down." Says Molly, through gritted teeth.

Tom sits down.

"There was one feature, and only one feature, of interest in the whole of this baffling case, and quite frankly it was the usual. John Watson – who, while I was trying to solve the murder, instead saved a life." Says Sherlock.

Mary quietly laughs in delight, and John smiles.

"There are mysteries worth solving and stories worth telling."

He looks down at John.

"The best and bravest man I know – and on top of that he actually knows how to do stuff."