Twilight: What She Doesn't See...

Jacob's Lullaby

// February 15th, 2005 //

Slivers of moonlight streamed through the wide, paned window giving his dancing, white, fingers an ethereal luster. Perplexity washed over his face. His fingers failed to correspond to the black notes in the musical composition set atop the music stand on the sleek grand piano. The melody on the pages sounded abrasive to the melody dancing about in his head.  Acting on caprice, his fingers stroked the keys as if they were the recipient of his unbridled passion-as if he were making love.  

The tips of his fingers mindlessly flew down the scale brushing the white and black keys at a whim. Then his mind strayed from the piece creating something anew. In a gradual movement, the music began to swell in a languid movement before becoming brash and staccato-like pushing out the intrusive thoughts of his family-who could no doubt hear his abnormal playing. Their unspoken disquietness uneased him so he let the reverberating music drown them out. 

Heavy, gloomy clouds were in the forecast and school was in several hours. Edward would let himself get carried away until he no longer noticed the passage of time. Time was essentially all he had. Well, until now. The thought of the Volturi and Jacob Black made his traveling hands falter. It sort of amused him how he could have just about anything he desired. Compared to humans, his intelligence was vastly superior, and Alice's foresight came in handy when dealing with the capricious state of human minds and the fickle state of stock markets. Yet, Jacob Black...

His hands froze at the sheer thought of him. As his body always did. He exhaled. Gently, he let the fallboard close and encase the 88 keys. Then, he rested his head on the cool surface of the sleek instrument. For the subsequent passing hours, he sat there, motionless, eyes expressive and pondering. 

When the first filtered rays of sunlight danced upon his face and arms, he came to a resolution. 

His advances would only hurt himself and Jacob. Carlisle may not have spoken his true thoughts the night before under the pretenses that he was doing everyone a favor, but Edward had sought out his hidden thoughts. 

Sometimes it was better to let things remain as they were. 

Next time, I won't let you go so easily. His own words reverberated in his head. There won't be a next time. 

The thought worked him up. He scrunched his face up as if feeling some imagined pain. As if his mind had betrayed his body by contemplating such thoughts and ideas. The idea of leaving Jacob alone.  Forever. 

When he glimpsed his eyes on the reflective surface of the piano, they were hollow. 

Throughout the day, he avoided his siblings' pesky questions about his sulky mood and his broken car window only getting a reprieve from the school bells that signaled the start of their next classes. 

By lunchtime, he had a mind to jump into his car and drive off to the coast.  He had suffered Bella Swan's eyes boring into his back when she didn't think he would notice as she had become accustomed to increasingly these days. 

Next period, he was first in his seat inside the Biology classroom. He didn't bother to greet Bella's presence when she sat beside him three minutes later. "Hello, Edward," she said, unsure of herself. His eyes remained focused on the blackboard, but he turned his head subtlety in her direction to indicate that he was listening. 

For a while, that was the last contact they had with each other. He knew Bella could sense his coldness and his want to be left unbothered. Each day, he felt her observing him from a distance, seemingly unable to stop herself. It irked him. No one else studied him as she did. Everyone else's animal instincts forced them to stay away from them. Rabbits don't become curious about wolves or foxes. Yet, here she was every day staring from afar. It was not lost on him that she had an absurd interest in his eyes. The way they grew darker each day and then were abruptly a golden honey color.

But as the subsequent days passed, he felt...bored. Nothing had happened that week and on Carlisle's and Esme's implorings he felt obliged to go straight home each day. The mundaneness of it all invited Bella's curious nature. 

"So," began Mike Newton, finding interest in the floor. Edward, for some reason, became inquisitive about the ensuing conversation. The air felt uncomfortable and awkward among Bella and Mike.   

"You're really not going to prom either? I thought that was one of the most important days of a girl's life besides weddings and all that," he said in a hushed tone. He had become increasingly bold talking with Bella since Edward Cullen ignored her all the time. 

"Again, I have two left feet. I would not like to be Carrie 2.0."  Edward could feel the disappointment radiating from Mike even though he cracked a smile. "Anyway, you should also take Jess to prom, she seems to like you a lot," Bella told him. 

"You're right," he mumbled, before walking to his seat almost dejectedly. When Bella had turned around to face the front, Edward's now distinct black eyes were probing hers with intensity. Bella could not look away, and her hands began to tremble. Mr. Banner cleared his throat. Edward, almost reluctantly, peeled his eyes away from her. The next hour was torturous for both of them. 

He did not leave immediately as he always did when the school bell rang. "Bella?" Bella Swan's nose tilted upwards with slight petulance. "What? Are you done ignoring me now?" 

He took note of her wary expression. "Not really," he said, fighting a smile. The girl closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. "Then, what do you want?"

Edward's expression conveyed a seriousness that baffled her. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way."

She scoffed. "I don't know what you mean?"

"I mean it's better if we're not friends," he explained. "Trust me."

Her eyes narrowed. She recalled a more hostile version of this conversation before. "Well, too bad you didn't save yourself the regret," she hissed through her teeth. Bella swiveled on her toes and began to storm away. Edward caught her arm reflexively. The word, and her tone, threw him off guard. "Regret? Regret what?"

Her reply astonished him. "For not letting that van crush me? Or those guys do whatever to me in Port Angeles?!" 

His countenance was one of disbelief.  Anger suffused his tone. "You think I regret saving your life?" What kind of monster did she think he was? 

"I know you do," she snapped. 

"You don't know anything," he retorted. 

Her jaw clenched as she gathered her books. "Jacob was right about you," she muttered under her breath. 

Bella Swan made to sweep out of the room dramatically, but of course, she caught the toe of her boot on the doorjamb and dropped her books. For a moment, she stood there thinking about leaving them-not daring to dart a look back at Edward's face. Then she sighed and bent to pick them up. He was there; he'd already stacked them into a neat pile and had his arms outstretched ready to hand them to her. Bella expected Edward to be glowering at her, seething. But there was only a tinge of sadness residing in his eyes.

"What do you mean by that," he prodded gently. He stood up, towering over her, her books still in his hands. Bella swallowed, reaching for her things.

"Uh, nothing-" she started.

"What has he told you about me," his voice hardened slightly. 

"Hey, Bella?" Mike called from midway down the hall. "You coming?"

"Yeah," she said as she stumbled past Edward's broad body into the bustling students.

[Has anyone else questioned why the Cullens/Hales can go to school even when it is cloudy? Clouds can't completely block sun rays, right?  Anyway, I sincerely apologize for any errors and inconsistencies you might find Xxx]