BTS One-shots

Tears are f**ked up beings

"So tell me, why are you here?"

Namjoon sat across me, something so unusual now a days. He had been running away from me like i could be the ugliest witch he'd seen. It pained my heart seeing it come from the only person i had opened my heart to. He was more than just a best friend to me, but it can't always be mutually agreed upon. I had experienced this harsh lesson these few days.

"I don't know, why are you bothered so much?" His words hardly came out clear and audible.

"Namjoon, I've to go home, if you don't have anything to say, then let me." With that being said, i collected my books from the desk and started to leave the stranded library that was about to close at this time of the evening.

The warm sunlight was peaking through the windows that were supposed to carry fresh cooling breeze on a summer evening. The lights above started flickering just as i was about to leave, the same fazed look coming to my sight from the boy opposite to me.

"Yn, i need to talk to you," He stood up, walking to my side.

"Can i walk you home?" His voice was low and he looked so unconfident i could've laughed at him if we were in different circumstances.

I couldn't help but chase his twinkling eyes that kept ignoring to look into mine. There was something so weird about this situation that i had always dreaded about. Yet i made the decision to let my feelings out from my heart and the old, torn diary that I wrote about. Seems it wasn't a really good decision though.

I still remember when he had cried beside my bed after I broke my leg in an accident. The care and love he had for me was unusual to all the people who befriended me for their own benefits. Was it wrong of me to not only ask for a little more but also be the one to give it to him?

"Okay i guess," I sighed, walking outside the room, returning the books and stopping by the cafeteria to buy a drink.

"Do you want anything else?" He asked turning as we were on the counter.

I was gazing at the tree far away from the garden that stood outside the windows. It was indifferent from the other things in the infrastructure nearby. It looked lonely, the leaves hanging still without its breeze dancing along with rhythm to their joy of existence. Looked like as though it was in grief of it's missing friend , who made him feel alive apart from the world outside.

Namjoon was my breeze to the stranded tree whose leaves felt the joy with its existence. Never rely your happiness on one person, they say. It was right in so many ways that i could realise.

"Lets go" He walked ahead, waiting for me to follow his lead. Although my steps unconsciously marked it's path behind his, my mind couldn't get hold of the things that were happening.

I cared about him, maybe that's what that mattered. Now if it's gonna take a different turn of events, i better be prepared for the worst.

Once on the road, he handed me the cup he'd been holding and silence had surrounded us both.

"You wanted to talk?" I turned to look at him, the coffee had bought some concious thoughts to my mind.

"yea, about everything that happened before..." He ducked down his head, taking out a leaf from my hair and letting it slide down to the ground.

The proximity had both out hearts go bouncing in the chest, as though playing drums and rolls inside. Flustered, i moved a little away, resuming to walk.

"Yn..." He breathed out as soon as we neared a busy street that awaited at the corner.

The road was half empty, with only a few bikers pedalling away their ride home. The evening was turning darker into the night, soft evening breeze flowing through my hair for what seemed to mess them up.

I had started feeling fuzzy, my stomach heating up and heart almost churning in anticipation. He was taking time to talk and i was taking time to get hold of the situation without losing my mind.

"I.." He walked closer, holding the empty hand into mine.

"I want to...." His eyes held close to mine, as though embracing me for the warmth it had.

"Try this" His breathing was heavy, his buffed chest visibly rising up and down. I hated how every word and action of his made me feel things without any purpose of its own to fulfill.

"What?" I asked softly, feeling a little dizzy, probably lost in his eyes. Had i fallen in love that deep?

He took a deeper breath, as though covering for the restrained respiration with his own fuzzy mind.

"I cannot say i don't feel anything for you, the feeling..., it's been looming over my mind all the time since that day at the hospital. I thought something worse could happen to me if i didn't see you crying for not wanting to get pricked for the IV."

He rubbed his arm, the night falling into a colder time than usual to be out in thin clothes.

"I care about you, and I'm still trying to figure out if it's the same that you feel for me or something that you'd wish i don't."

He completed, looking deep into my eyes that were probably glossed a little. Who wouldn't, when every word of his made you feel vulnerable yet protected at the same time.

"So?" I sniffed my nose, holding onto something I knew could burst out. My very own tears, who knew nothing but to flow out without any logical reasoning.

"Can we..." He held a sheepish face that i failed to recognise the moment. All i could focus was on what he would say next. As to what choice of his words would decide to break my heart to do the opposite.

"try to start, at a slower pace?" His voice was low and feeble, something that i had heard all the time today.

Those eyes that held anticipation and nervousness, I'd never seen those for me, but those couldn't be missed. I couldn't feel the right things at the moment but all i knew was that my cheeks were wetter and i could feel the flow out of my eyes uncontrolled. Tears are fucked up beings i say.

"Absolutely" I nodded by head and jumped into his arms, the whole world seeming to close down on us both. We didn't knew if that hug was something friends normally do or something people in love crave for. We didn't knew if holding hands was more intimate or having share a physical intimacy was superior. We didn't knew if the transition from being best friends to couples in a relationship was fun or a responsibility.

All we wanted was a place to feel like home.