I woke up in my bed. What a weird night, I don't even remember falling asleep or how I got home. I could hear Oliver yelling downstairs at dad. Dad was the only one who could fix all of this but he was too hard to get through to. He was great at ignoring problems and pretending that everything was perfect. I have ruined everything. My mom is angrier than ever, my dad is disappointed, and Oliver is out of school and working more jobs for nothing. Now I am not in treatment either so he did it all for nothing.
I walked downstairs and everyone stopped arguing and looked at me. Mom walked off, dad decided to just look away like he always does, and Oliver walked over to me and grabbed my hand. We walked back up to his room.
"Sky how do you feel? Are you okay?"
I looked at him, "I am okay. I'm sorry Oli."
"For what? This isn't your fault." he said powerfully.
I looked down, "Yes it is. I'm the one with the eating disorder. I'm the reason you quite school. I'm the reason mom is angry all the time. Dad can't even look at me."
"Stop it's not your fault. It's mom's fault. All those years she bullied you into thinking that you weren't beautiful. Telling you, you weren't good enough. That's why all this is happening. You are the victim. And I am going to save you Sky. That's my job as your brother." he gave me a hug. "I have a plan to get you away from here and back in treatment. But it is going to be hard and it's not one hundred percent going to work."
"What is it?"
"I am going to fight for custody over you. I set up and appointment with a lawyer for tomorrow."
"You have done enough already Oli. I don't want you to have to take care of me. Let me talk to mom first. I'll tell her I need to go to treatment. Maybe she will listen this time."
"You can try but I am going to do this for you. Mom can't take care of you."
"Okay"
Around dinner time, I decided to talk to mom. She was cooking meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy and corn. I didn't know how to talk to her especially about this. "Mom we need to talk."
"About?"
"I need help mom.." she interucts me.
"I don't want to hear about it. You are fine. Your brother has given you this thought that you are sick and your not. Your just like everybody else. I talked to your doctor. All you have to do is eat more so that's what you are going to do. End of discussion. No treatment."
"Mom please. Your not listening. This isn't something I can just get over."
"I said that was the end of this discussion. Now get everyone for dinner."
I went to collect everyone. We sat down like a family but it didn't feel real. It was forced and almost felt like a bad dream. My mom served the food. I just sat there. It was too quiet and too much pressure to eat that I couldn't do it. Mom looked at me and then at Oli. Everybody was almost done with their plates and mom looked at me again, "Skylar eat your food now." I was too scared of her to argue especially since she has been acting so weird. So I ate it but it wasn't like at the hospital where I felt accomplish or safe. I felt disgusting, tainted, fat. I can't handle that feeling. As soon as I was done, I walked upstairs and tried to fake that I was okay.
When I got to my room, I sat on my bed. I cried and I was shaking from fear. So many calories raced through me and I couldn't stop it. I did some push ups and some sit ups but nothing was making me feel any better. I went to the bathroom and paced. I swore I would never turn into this kind of girl but this was my only escape. I knelt down by the toilet and purged. I did that until all progress was lost. It felt good. I felt thin again. So I never stopped.
