Chapter 1: "There's a status I have to upkeep."

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I woke up at 6am to the exclamation of my mother shouting as she demanded I awoke. This is it, the first day of Freshman year, I've been fearing this for a while. Having to meet all these new people and 'fit in'. My mother always states that I was always influential and popular in Elementary but the thought of such a hostile environment nauseates me. 

My parents already have a list of demands for me the first day, they want me to find an afterschool club I can attend, retrieve a gargantuan list of textbooks from downtown and alongside that picking up a package from the post. I neither know why I have to do this and why I have to do it on my first day, especially since my mother definitely can spare the time to take her AND Holly out. I don't want to cause any fuss because there's a status I have to upkeep, being the Wheeler's golden child! There's this standard that I have to upkeep, even throughout Elementary there was and each report card was scrutinised by my parents.

Let me tell you about my parents. Whenever we all hang around as a family, they force their selves into feeling a sense of solidarity, they'd force each other into feeling achieved from the marriage they both agreed to (at a very young age). Sometimes when I'd wake up in the night, I'd hear my mother crying from downstairs but I would choose to just ignore it and go back to sleep. This was from a very young age as well and I see more and more as I mature that they aren't happy and forced into this suburban nightmare as I'm forced to live up to that standard as well.

I slide on the most basic of an outfit, I can't stand out, that makes you an easy target. I applied some of the makeup my mother gave me especially for the day, she cares more about my first impression that anyone. I traipse down the staircase with the most ugly fitted carpet with the saddest beige colour they could find to Mike and my mom arguing about how he doesn't want to go in. In most cases, I would find him annoying and tell him to shut up about it, but I feel what he's feeling today. I love learning but today I just want to hide from the world. Mike and I used to be really close actually, my fondest memories are me dressing up for his D&D campaigns with his usual close knit group of friends. I used to be jealous that he had so many close friends, but maybe today will change that?

I sit down at our dining table while mom whips up the finest of scrambled eggs. "Hey Nance..." she speaks softly.

"How are you feeling today? I remember my first day of freshman year, I was so nervous, yet so excited to meet all these new people."

My mother was definitely apart of the popular girls, she would always have these anecdotes where she went on in vivid detail about all the boys she used to date and I'd just tune it out.

"I'm good." I say this with a bit of artificial joy in my voice.

"You'll be fine honey,  you'll be the most prettiest girl there."

I don't feel the need to respond, I just tend to my breakfast while the house delves into chaos as Mike won't stop kicking up a fuss about letting his friends stay over on a school night. This subsequently upset Holly who now won't stop screaming out of stress. Great.

I rush back upstairs to take a deep breathe, I go to my windowsill and budge it open and sit there. I can feel the brisk early morning breeze going through my hair and the distant ambience of morning birds chirping with the slight sway of the trees. I almost feel at peace when my dad busts in stating that it was time to leave.

I have to take the trip there with my dad before he goes off to work, I don't have a bike, nor do I want to ride one in this strappy outfit. Mike usually bikes to school with his friends, it sort of makes me miss my childhood. It wasn't as great as his, it just involved a lot of play dates with my mothers friends.

Car journey's with my dad are always extremely awkward, he doesn't know how to relate with me at all, let alone communicate with his own wife. I just sit there in awkward silence as the car splutters it's way to the Hawkins Middle School. 

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