Next In Line

Chapter 4: Cableism

"Good afternoon, I'm Pietro Vicciotelli! In some breaking news today, a new product is hot off the press and is available to the public: the AngelTech Box!" a man with long, frizzy black hair and a matching mustache spoke from the TV screen one day. A picture of what looked to be an ordinary cable box appeared next to him, sporting an antenna with a halo around the end. "It's a brand spanking new product that allows the user to look down on their living loved ones from the comfort of their living room. For the longest time, people would always say, 'Oh, don't fret about losing him. He's always looking down at us.' Well, now that can become a reality!"

Watching that news report were Ike and Eli, both sitting on the former's couch with glasses of scotch and a shared expression of intrigue.

"As we speak, billions of these boxes are being sent out to people all over the posthumous world, completely free of shipping and handling costs. All you need to do upon obtaining this product is plunk it down near your TV, where it will wirelessly connect, no annoying HDMI extensions necessary," Pietro continued. "And the best part is, it also allows access to all channels available through cable and satellite combined!"

"Huh, doesn't sound like a half-bad deal," Ike commented.

"See? Laissez-faire capitalism isn't all bad," Eli replied.

Before anything more could be said, the front door was kicked open as a white woman barged in, sporting a muscle-coated hourglass figure and white-tipped dreadlocks styled into a messy bun. Hurrying over to the TV set with a box in her arms, she ripped it open, spilling lavender packing peanuts all over the living room as she pulled out the AngelTech Box and set it right next to the television.

"Ah, Robyn. Perfect timing," Ike said.

"Would've been a little slower if I hadn't been camping out right by the mailbox," Robyn giggled, parking herself between the guys as she snatched the remote from Eli's hand. "Now c'mon, let's get to spying!"

"Alright then, why not start with you?"

"Nah, I was a hooker, remember? No one misses me. But you two on the other hand..."

Robyn pressed the power button on the second remote, which came with the new cable box, and then pressed "Input" a couple of times on the old remote, causing the screen to display footage of what looked to be a football game back on earth, between the Denver Broncos and Miami Dolphins.

"Wait, why is it showing us this?" Eli raised a thick eyebrow.

"Well it's been years since I last saw him, but... I do recall how much Lucius loved sports," Ike replied. "I guess maybe he became an athlete in my absence?"

"Looks like it," Robyn pointed to one of the players, who bore an uncanny resemblance to her husband, albeit with slightly darker hair. Turning around, she could see the words "Van Dyke" on the back of his jersey. "Man, it's a real shame you're not alive. Then you could ride his coattails."

"All I know is, I couldn't be more proud of him."

Refilling their drinks, the trio remained on the couch, hollering and cheering as they watched the last of the game, culminating in the Broncos claiming victory.

"Yahoo! Yes!" Ike shouted as he leapt from the couch, unintentionally splashing scotch onto his wife and best friend. "That's my boy down there!"

"No kidding... ooh, and it looks your boy's down there too, Eli," Robyn pointed at the screen.

"Please, that couldn't be-" Eli cut himself off, widening his hazel eyes.

On the screen, Lucius stood next to a reporter who had come onto the field, tuning out the rejoicing from the fellow athletes and cheerleaders in the background.