Chapter 1

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The black car sped away. The route from the school grounds to the main road led over a rocky path.

Wilhelm, who was sitting on the back seat, was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice how much the bumps in the road were rocking him back and fourth. 

He shivered. The cold had crept through his clothes and he thought about the moment when he confessed his love to Simon. He had to get it off of his chest. It was the last chance to speak to him. His heart was in his mouth with excitement as he hugged Simon.

Wilhelm could still feel Simon's hands clutching his coat on his back. He still felt Simons body leaning against his chest, heard him breathing and how his curls tickeled his cheek. 

He never wanted to let him go and he certainly didn't want to say goodbye. 

"I hope you have a nice Christmas!" Simon said in a soft voice as they pulled apart. Simon's gaze hit him right in the heart but hsi eyes spoke a different language. Did he make the right desicion? As much as it hurt and tormented him, it couldn't be right. 

When his cell phone vibrated in the inner pocket of his coat, he pulled it out so quick that it fell out of his hands.

But instead of Simon it was his mother who called him. He was angry. He didn't want to talk to her, his father, Erik, August, anyone from the school or even himself. 

Wilhelm felt like he was about to burst. He ran out of air, thought he was suffocating. "Can we please stop for a moment? I ... I feel sick!" Wilhelm sighed in the direction of the driver. "Of course, Crown Prince." said the dark-haired man behind the steeringwheel looking at him through the rear view mirror. 

The driver slowed the car down and took a turn in a side road near the forest. Wilhelm unbuckled himself and hastily got out of the car. Immediatly he heard his secruity's voice behind him: "Is everything alright, Crown Prince?" "Please, I need a moment to myself!" said Wilhelm while gasping for fresh air.

"Your mother ordered us to take you home as quick as possible!" replied Marlin. "Can I please have 5 minutes to myself? Alone!" He almost shouted the last word. 

Wilhelm took one step after the other and went into the forest. He didn't hear anyone behind him but knew Marlin was there. Even if she kept her distance, he could feel her eyes on his back. 

The further Wilhelm ran, the quieter it became around him. He heard the gentle wind blowing through the fir branches and in the distance he heard cows. The ice cracked under his feet with every step. 

The cold, clear air did him good. Like a lost child he ran along the path. Tears welled up in his eyes. Again and again he saw Simons eyes in front of him. His bottom lip trembled and a few tears ran down his cheeks. 

Why on earth did Erik have to die? He just couldn't fill the huge void he left behind.

His Family and commitments pushed him into a corner he didn't want to be in.

He wanted to be with Simon, hold his Hand, make out with him all night, fall asleep by his side and walk hand in hand with him in public.

Wilhelm didn't notice that he had stopped. His upper body trembled, more tears ran down his cheeks. 

He didn't feel anything anymore. His fingers were numb, he was freezing and the snow blew around his face. 

He ran out of strength and fell to his knees. He heard a scream and realized it was his own. His fists dug into the snow.

"Crown Prince!" he heard Malin call behind him. She started to run: "Wilhelm!" When Malin got to him, she leaned over him and tried to help him up, but he wouldn't let her. His teas clouded his eyes: "I don't want that. I don't want all that." "I know." said Malin quietly "I know."

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