Every Girl's Dream

Chapter 3

It's raining outside the roadside, blast from the movie, I was like an cat cuddling itself.
Finding warm clothes and sipping a cup of coffee with creamer, watching the raindrops and hearing the sound of the rain.
Waiting for the food to arrive from the neighborhood.

Laying in bed, thinking about him, since I don't have access to connect with him.
Getting bored in my social media accounts.
Don't know what to do, aside from listening to different genres of music.
Re-read the poem that I made about him. (This guy is different from the guy I want)

LJ Syndrome
"The way you tell your dirty jokes feels like you want to flirt with me.
That's what I think about you, you can make me laugh by telling jokes and teasing me.
Maybe I'm starting to like you yet I want to protect my heart from pains.

"You keep me like a secret but I keep you like an oath".

Why I'm feeling this emotions, I shouldn't feel this way,
I know we can't be together yet looks like something telling me that I need this experience.
I can't believe that even in my dreams your haunting me.
Ahhhhh I hate this feeling, I can't believe to myself, that I'm longing for your attention everytime that you can't reply right away.

Yet you still reply even it's late. Awwww I like that feeling,
I can see that you care,
maybe could you care my feelings?

I'm starting to like you yet I don't want to fall to you.
So I need to get away from you.
I need to blocked you and let myself be busy with my passion,
May you support me or not.

I don't care I long as I will sing with my whole heart
It'll be alright
I need you to know,
That the songs I chose,
Is for you.

May you feel the melodies,
The rhythm of my heart
The sadness in my voice,
The longing that I'm keeping to myself.

I will start to move on,
Even without you knowing it,
I like to protect my myself,
From painful thinking that you already have someone to called to,

When you're done with your family matters.
I learned my lesson from you,
Keeping it to myself won't help me to heal,
But telling it to you won't heal my wounds."

As the dark started to look like aloof when I get back to the house, doing nothing.

I can't think of what to do next, if I just lay in bed or start to review for my upcoming events.

I feel like unproductive today. I just do the laundry while soundtrip.

Cleaning the messed up I made last few days.

Scrolling social media, singing along with my favorite songs.

Sharing posted about anything that would remind me of him.

Listening to broken songs, 'cause I feel like I'm one of those.

It's new to me to be sentimental these days ago.

Maybe because it's two days before my birthday.

Or it's just me that I get borrd easily.

No one seems to checking on me.
Asking if I'm okay or fine at all.

I like surprising evebts but I'm feeling nervous too.
If something bad happened.

Maybe I should be focused again to Him.
I neglected Your words, or sometimes it worsted, I forget to pray to You, or talk to you.

My patience is testing me. I can't understand myself sometimes, what should I feel?

I should let go my emotions to him, yet looks like I'm having hatred towards the.
Because the last we're talking it not good, so maybe they can't forget what I did, or for worse, didn't want me to get involved with them.

I'm overreacting, I always feels better if we should be resolving our conflicts yet looks like they pinapairal ang kanilang pride.

Hindi ko naman naisip agad na ganoon ang magiging reaksyon niya, hanggang sa magtawag siya ng isang kaibigan upang kampihan siya at hanggang kanyang karelasyon ay nangingialam na, ilang araw na kaming di nag-uusap ng lalaki, ngunit nagawa pa rin niya akong asarin sa pamamagitan ng kanyang kasintahan, nagsumbong siguro, kaya ayun pati siya mangialam na rin sa aming pinag-uusapan.

Iyon ang pinakaayaw ko, hindi naman siya kasama sa grupong iyon, ngunit akala mo kung sino, laging hanap ay away, kahit di naman dapat mag-away, at pagtalunan pa.

Ngayon medyo nakakalimutan ko na ang nangyari noon, pero hanggang hindi ko pa naririnig sa kanila ang patawad, hindi ko muna papansinin ang isa sa kanila.

Hindi naman ako masama, hinahayaan ko lang sila na gawin nila sa akin iyon.

Sapagkat nais kong matutunan nila ang kanilang ginagawa sa akin, at sa iba pang naagrabyado naming mga kasamahan.

Hindi ko alam kung kaibigan na ba turing nila sa akin, o isa ba akong bago nilang kaaway.

Kaya sa aking pagbabalik sa ministro, nais kong mag-obserba at kilalanin ang bawat isa, sa pamamagitan ng pagkikita at pag-uusap.

"Learn to forget and forgiveness is the key to your peace of mind."

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy and learned a lesson.

#MaulangGabi