~Beauty is Vain~

~Forgiveness~

"So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses."-St.Matthew 18:34

I opened the mailbox and pulled out an envelope. I read the city and state it came from, the city, New BedFord was unfamiliar to me, but I recognized Massachusetts of course. I walked in the house, closed the door, and sat on my black leathered sectional sofa, before ripping open the envelope. Inside contained a letter. It had graceful handwriting, before I read it, I noticed that the pen was pressed deeply into the paper, I rubbed my hands across the lines of it. For some odd reason, I was actually nervous to read it. I don't know why, I guess I hoped it wasn't bad news. Although, there was no one that could get hurt in my life, except my aunt and granny. They're the only ones I'd have a breakdown about. I decided to go ahead and read it...................

New BedFord, Massachusetts
02740
April 12, 2015
2007 Denford St.

Dear Nichole,

Hello, I know you might not really remember me, but to be honest I don't even know why I'm writing this letter right now, I just want to let you know that I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I didn't come see you earlier than this, words can't describe the grief that has been over me ever since I left you. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I see...and I'm beyond tears of sorrow at all the moments I've missed, all the birthdays I wasn't able to attend, but I'm glad you received the birthday cards I sent to you with money. I know it can't replace my presence. I'm so sorry baby girl for everything, and I hope that you somehow...write me back, please. I know you don't want to hear my excuses, but I've tried on numerous occasions to contact you, but your mother said that you didn't want to hear from me, I know she was lying, and I know she is still the strung out junkie she was before I left. I love you so much sweetie...please forgive me, then I may be able to somewhat forgive myself. I love you, a day doesn't go by that I don't think of you or pray for your protection, I know I've failed as a dad, but I hope you read this and write me back. I'm so sorry for hurting you, but I truly do love you Nicki. Please, at anytime you feel right...or mad or whatever, please, please call me. I hope you're doing well. 756-579-3656.

P.S.-I hope this money will be of great value for you, it's not much, I'm not trying to buy you back, I just don't want you to want for anything, again I am sorry...I love you Nicki. Also your step mom says hi.

I dropped the letter as I just stared at the nicely decorated wall. I didn't know how to feel really. Was I angry, upset, confused, curious, hurt, betrayed, happy, all in one, with anger overruling them all. I was aggressively tempted to rip the paper in half, but something in me wanted to dial his number right now. Maybe the little girl inside me just wanted to see her daddy again, but the grown up side was telling me to get a grip and gforget him, to pretend he didn't send me a letter. And as I pondered over it all, I realized that I had never received a single birthday card from him. He never called, unless my mom in fact did take the birthday cards and used the money for her uncontrollable addiction and had lied to him about me not wanting to talk to her. I can't believe she'd be that greedy, but of course what do expect from a drug addict. As I stared at the letter, something fell out of the letter as I held it up. I looked down in my lap and there laid a check of 20,000.00. My eyes grew wide as I scanned it to see was it real. It looked real. I immediately thought of my own dance studio. I could make my dreams come true after all, but wait if I accept it, I'll be saying it was okay what he did, I'll be letting him off too easy. Nope. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction, money won't pay off his abscence....but he did beg me to call. I know my dad always loved me, and he just wanted to get away from her. I wished he would've taken me, but I believe the real reason he didn't take me, somehow he probably knew she would need me more than him.