A Collection of One Shots ツ

Trauma | Jentzen + Jelliana <3

Credits to all1sh33 for the idea of making a book of oneshots! Check out her book about Jev <3

TW: Attacked, almost got shot.

So this is written in third-person view! It doesn't have Elliana in it (only Jentzen) but he talks about her indicating he still loves her, which is why the title of this chapter is what it is :D

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"Umm..." he says, trailing off. "When I was fifteen, I was walking home one night. It was completely dark outside, and LA isn't the safest place to be at night," he laughs dryly, "but I was walking, and suddenly someone pulled me into an alleyway. I didn't recognise the guy, but he looked scary. You know, the typical buff guy with tattoos and stuff. There were three guys behind him, and it was so dark that I couldn't see their faces very well."

He cleared his throat. "The leader of the group - the guy who pulled me in - told me to stand against the wall with my hands up. I did, and he pushed a gun into my chest," he swallowed hard, "and asked me what my name was. I realised he probably already knew, so I told him the truth. Then he removed the gun and his friends beat me up. I didn't really notice the pain because I was so scared."

He closed his eyes briefly, blinking back tears. "He never actually shot me, and for many years I couldn't decide whether I was thankful for that or not. Because after that instance, my whole life went downhill. I was so scared for the people around me that..." he stopped and looked away, blinking rapidly.

"These guys threatened me that they would hurt the person that I loved the most. And so I did something that I will regret for my entire life. I don't think that I'll ever love someone as much as I loved her," he chokes slightly on the lump in his throat, "but I had to break her heart. Because she was the person I loved the most. And even though I knew it would hurt both of us, I did it. And I guess I sound pretty dramatic, talking about an ex-girlfriend that I had as a teenager like this. But to me it was real. And as if it isn't enough that I broke up with her, I had to act like an asshole towards her afterwards. I don't know what I was thinking, but I guess that I thought that to convince those guys that I didn't love her anymore, I needed to convince myself too."

He smiles darkly. "It almost worked. But I wasn't lying when I said that I would always love her. And it was even worse because she had already been through so much. So to do that to her, when she had finally opened up to me, was like a knife in the heart. But at the time I didn't think I had a choice. I didn't even tell her about the guys. I couldn't - I just covered the injuries up with makeup, thanks to my sister's cosmetic abilities. What I told her was that I had fallen off my scooter."

He took a deep breath, before letting out another dry laugh. "It sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? Like I almost died or something." He shook his head.

"You did almost die," his therapist pointed out. He rolled his eyes and ignored her comment.

He looked out the window, thinking. "I don't think I was the same after that. I definitely felt like I acted a lot meaner. I don't know why, but I started pushing people away and spending more and more time alone. Eventually I left the squad, right before my sixteenth birthday. I left social media, too. Now I work as a PE teacher, so we can see where that landed me," he said bitterly.

His therapist smiled. "Don't knock PE teachers," she said. "Besides, I think it's good that you quit social media. Not that you haven't seen your friends in nine years, mind you, that I don't think is good."

"It's just...we couldn't have kept being friends if I quit social media. Plus, what with everything going on with Elliana at the time, I just thought it would be better for everyone if I left. And they seemed much happier without me, anyways."

"Are you sure about that?" she asked.

He sighed. "No, but it's what I've tried to convince myself. And maybe it's selfish, but at the time I did genuinely think that everyone would be better off without me. And I have no proof to the contrary."

She eyes him cautiously. "Are you sure about that?" she asks. "Have you even checked how they're doing since you left?"

"Noo..." he says slowly.

She sighs. "Look, I don't know how helpful this is to you, but you can't go around thinking you were worthless. I won't say they were better or worse without you, but there was definitely something missing from their videos. Elliana left the squad just a month after you did, and the three remaining members eventually just stopped social media altogether. Elliana and Emily still post on Instagram, but no one's heard from Piper or Lev in ages," she informs him.

He blinks, trying to understand. "But..."

"Look, I don't know that much about your friends, and that's not what's important here. We've already worked through the shooting incident, but you have to realise that you were missed. People did care about you. And it wasn't your fault."

"What wasn't my fault?" he asked.

"Elliana."

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So I definitely liked the first one better than this :/

Shorter too but not that much so it's okay haha :)

But hey, this is my book, so I'll post whatever I want! (THIS IS A JOKE please don't take me seriously my brain is broken most of the time) <3