What I Feared the Most

Chapter 8

"Okay, all set," Julia said as she admired her handywork. Wonho had been discharged from the hospital, but there still remained the task of getting him to a secure location without being detected. Wonho stood before her in a hoodie and a black surgical mask. He had covered his eyes with dark glasses.

"We're making some changes from the last time we went to a hotel," she said. "This time, only you and I will know the location. Also, we will be taking a cab from here and not using your regular driver," she added. "I can't help but think that the stalker has inside information. She is always a step ahead of us. I don't see how that could be unless she had someone on the inside, feeding her information."

"That's freaking scary," Wonho replied. "That means someone I know may be selling me out."

"Exactly," Julia answered. She stared at the floor, unable to look him in the eye. She knew that Wonho understood the feeling of betrayal. This wasn't his first time feeling it. She had made him feel it as well when she walked away, leaving him under-protected. She had taken some time to really mull it over in her head, and she was starting to see why Wonho wasn't ready to take her back with open arms. He had taken her back in her professional capacity, but not in a personal one. She finally understood why. "Abandonment is a bitch," she told herself silently. She needed to give Wonho the space to learn to trust her again.

To add to the disguise, Julia had Wonho push a laundry cart on his way to the waiting cab. She had borrowed an apron from the hospital so that he would appear to be just another of the hospital staff. Julia wasn't naïve, though. She knew that the worker disguise was a thin one. Even the cleaning lady at the hotel had been fake. So, Julia was layering many different strategies to get him to a secure location. In fact, she intended for them to switch cabs partway through the trip in the hopes of keeping stalkers off their trail.

One thing she still didn't know was if the fake cleaning lady was the only stalker or if there was another one as well. Had she masterminded the flower delivery with the song lyrics from her jail cell, or were they two separate people? She wasn't sure, but one thing was certain. The threat was not over.

When they arrived at the new hotel, Julia checked them in under aliases. They couldn't afford for any more leaks to get out about Wonho's whereabouts. As they settled into their adjoining rooms, Julia suggested that they keep the door open between the two rooms.

"We can't afford to have another incident and for me not to hear you," she said.

"That's for sure," Wonho replied.

"And for the love of God, don't open the door for anyone! No maintenance, no cleaning, no plumbers, no one! And don't tell anyone you are here, even Mr. Park," she instructed. "Speaking of which, I want to go with you tomorrow when you go to the office. I need to snoop around there to see if the leaker is in the office," Julia said.

"Okay," was Wonho's simple response. He still felt uncomfortable in Julia's presence. He knew that the next few days were going to be tough because he would have to be with her 24/7. It was strange how being with her had been such a joy and now it was a torment.

They each retreated to their respective rooms but left the door open between them as Julia had suggested. They shared a bathroom. So, Julia had needed to invade his territory to take a shower. When she emerged, her wet curls dangling down her back and shoulders, Wonho had needed to look away. "How can you find someone sexy when you're pissed as hell at them?" he had scolded himself.

"I'll just be over there," Julia said as she stood next to his bed. Wonho looked up and saw her bright green eyes, surrounded by wet lashes that were stuck together in separate little segments. He felt the air go out of his lungs. He wished he could kiss those eyelashes, and her soft cheeks, and that perfect little nose.

"Oh, god, I have to stop," he thought as he just nodded at her silently. She went to her room. He heard no sounds coming from her room. She didn't have the TV on. She wasn't listening to music. He wondered what she was doing over there, but he knew better than to peek into her room. He didn't need to take the chance of seeing her again. She was probably reading, he surmised. That's what she usually did in her free moments.

Wonho sat on his bed, wondering what to do. He felt both bored and anxious. He flipped on the TV but wasn't able to land on anything that interested him. He rummaged through the minibar and found several tiny bottles of tequila. He couldn't help but think how much Julia would have loved to share the tequila with him, but he knew he couldn't ask her over. So, he drank it all himself. He wasn't sure why he did it. It might have been a way to self-medicate the incessant pain in his chest that came every time he thought about Julia. But whatever the reason, he did it. He drank all seven tiny bottles until he felt dizzy and numb. On his way to his bed, he stumbled over one of his shoes and fell to the floor.

Julia heard the thump and ran to his room to find him sprawled out on the floor a few feet from the bed.

"What did you do?" she scolded gently. She saw the empty bottles and knew the answer. "Well, come on now. Let's get you into bed," she said, attempting to lift his massive body.

"I can't lift you. You're gonna have to help me, okay?" she said loudly, the way one talks to a drunk person.

He grunted and managed to climb onto the bed. Julia positioned him better and pulled the cover over him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her toward himself.

"I miss you," he admitted in a whisper. He partially sat up and placed his lips on hers. Julia didn't kiss him back. She pulled away and tried to make her escape from the room.

"Don't go," Wonho pleaded. "I need you," he said, wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her down beside him and looked at her with sad eyes that couldn't stay focused due to all the tequila.

"Baby, you drank too much. You don't know what you're saying," she replied, attempting to extricate herself from his arms. "I can't stay here because you aren't in your right mind. Now, let me go. I'll just be in the other room if you need anything," she said.

"Don't go," he pleaded again. "I'll change," he vowed. "I'll be whatever you want me to be."

Julia shook her head. "You're not the one who needs to change, baby. It's me. I need to change. I need to stop being so afraid of getting close to a man," she replied, knowing full-well that he probably didn't understand her words in that moment. He loosened his grip on her and she got off the bed and pushed him gently down until his head was lying on the pillow.

"Get some rest, sweetheart," she whispered. Wonho's eyes flew open at that comment.

"Am I, though?" he asked. "Am I your sweetheart?"

Julia immediately regretted her words. She should have been more careful. It was just that seeing him like this, so vulnerable, so childlike, had made her forget herself for a moment.

"You're a very precious man, even if you aren't mine," she finally answered.

"But I would be yours if you'd let me," he said with more clarity than one would expect from someone that drunk.

Julia stroked his clean-shaven cheek and whispered, "I know. You're too good for me."

Wonho shook his head. "I forgive you for leaving me. I forgive you for everything. I can forget it ever happened," he assured her.

"You say that now because you're drunk, but would it be true when you're in your right mind?" she asked. "And I'm not asking you to forget it. We forget our past at our own peril," she said sagely. "Remember it. Keep it in your mind as long as it takes for me to redeem myself and earn your trust back," she said. With that, she gave his hand a squeeze and went back to her room.