SAMRADITYA SAGA Part 2 - TANGLES OF HATRED

Right faith through righteous company

King Arimardan politely asked Gurudev, "Lord, you can see the past, present and future in the light of Avdhi Gyan. I don’t want to know anything else, just wish to hear the description of your incarnations! Where and how did you attain right perception? Where and how did you receive partial renunciation – Grihasth Dharm and then where and when did you accept the present renunciation. It would  be very kind if you could tell me this much.”
Actually, the question which was wandering in my mind, the curiosity which had filled my mind; the same question was put up by the king in front of Acharyaji. I also focused myself and looked at Acharyaji attentively.
Shri Amarguptsuriji dropped the curtain of eyelashes over his eyes. He used the power of Avdhi Gyan. He focused his knowledge on the past. In the light of his knowledge, he saw the chain of his past lives and he started narrating his autobiography.
This is the story of western Mahavideh.
Several years ago, there was a beautiful city named Champavas in this area. In that city, there lived a virtuous householder named Sudhan. His wife’s name was Dhanashree. Both the husband and wife were simple, gentle and content.
They had only one daughter as their child. Her name was Soma.
King, that Soma was my incarnation.
I am starting the story of my journey from the incarnation of Soma, in which I attained right perception. If I tell the story of lives before that, it will become a story of limitless time. From when shall I start?
The father’s simplicity and mother’s spirituality had completely transferred in Soma. At the same time, I (Soma) was also taught the feminine art and proper knowledge of the life of householders was also given to me.
When I set foot on the threshold of youth, my parents started looking for a suitable life partner for me. In the city, I was known as a calm and virtuous girl. Therefore, it did not take much effort to find a groom. I was engaged to Rudradev, the son of the famous and rich Shresthi Nanddev of Chapavas. We got married at an auspicious time. I received immense affection from my husband Rudradev. He adored me whole-heartedly. I liked my husband too. We used to spend our days in joy immersed in the pleasures of the materialistic world. My mother-in-law and my father-in-law also used to have a lot of affection for me. They considered me as their daughter. There was no such thing as sorrow in my life.
Once when I was going from my in-laws' house towards my parent’s residence, I saw many nuns on the way. They were entering Champavas on foot. My heart was overwhelmed at the sight of those Sadhvijis. I joined my hands and bowed at their feet. My body was shivering with excitement. My eyes sparkled with happiness.
I politely asked the leading Sadhviji, "Where are you going? Where will you stay?"
She blessed me with ‘Dharmlabh’ and gave me the address of the place where they were going. I had visited that place.
I told them, "My name is Soma. I will definitely come to visit you."
The nuns moved ahead towards their destination. I went to my house. But her reflection was imprinted in my mind. Her face was appearing again and again in the mirror of my memories. She had left a deep impression in my mind at the very first sight.
After sometime, I returned to my in-laws' house.
After completing the household chores, I started going to Sadhviji.
She gave me an understanding of the Dharm preached by Tirthankars. Firstly, she explained the nature of the four categories of incarnations, the beginningless relation of the soul and karma, the kinds of sins the soul commits due the wickedness of karmas, and how the soul roams in the four categories of incarnations due to its consequences and experiences happiness and sorrow. She explained all of this with great compassion.
A feeling of deep affection and heartfelt devotion towards her emerged within me. I started spending more and more time with her.
When my husband came to know, he asked me, "Where and to whom do you go to?
I explained to him, “The ones who follow great vows, bestow affection and share knowledge. I go to such a Sadhviji. I like her very much. She gives me true knowledge."
He remained silent, listened to me and ignored. I started feeling that he didn't like what I said! He did not like me visiting the nun. But my mind had deeply connected with her. I started commuting according to my daily routine.
The teachings of the nun :
• Made me compassionate to big and small creatures.
• Made me detached from the physical pleasures of the world.
• Explained the nature of salvation.
• Showed the way to attain salvation.
• Made me faithful towards the Dharm preached by Jineshwar.
• Made my mind calm and peaceful by explaining the effect of meditating on neutrality.
“King, in this way, I acquired the quality of right perception by the grace of that nun. My bondage with perception-deforming karma got broken. It got eradicated and the virtue of right faith generated in the soul. As a result, my thoughts and behaviour changed quite a lot.
According to my nature, I used to tell everything to my husband. I could not stay without sharing with him. Earlier, we used to talk about attraction, pleasures and enjoyment in our bedroom at night. After receiving knowledge from Sadhviji, I started talking about the external world and salvation with him.
I started talking about sins and good fortune. I started explaining the nature of the liberated souls and the path of liberation.
He did not like all these discussions at all. He used to get bored of all this. In the beginning, he used to remain silent and express boredom towards my talks.
Yawning, he would say, “Stop this philosophy of yours! I'm sleepy!” And he  would turn around and fall asleep!”
I would be heartbroken. I used to console myself thinking, ‘If not today then tomorrow, he will surely listen to this philosophy with acceptance. His soul will also feel interested in the path of salvation.’
But my hopes turned into dust.
One day he expressed his anger by saying, "Soma, stop going to that nun! Stop these discussions of Dharm! That nun and her Dharm have set our blossomed external world on fire. Earlier, we used to enjoy so much. We used to have fun, be immersed in pleasures and celebrate life!"
I said, "Swami, these sensory pleasures seem like poison to me now. How dangerous is the result of drooling over sensory desires and negligence!”
He got furious.
Slamming his feet on the ground, he said, "All this nonsense is the product of that nun's mind. You are spoiling your knowledge. I have nothing to do with all of this. I believe in enjoying the pleasures bestowed upon me!"
“But think something about the future lives.”
“Who has seen afterlife? Has that nun of yours has seen it? Has she  shown you? Stop all this nonsense. And I still recommend you to enjoy the worldly pleasures with me as before! I am not going to tolerate your tantrums at all!"
I remained silent. Today, my heart shook seeing his way of speaking! He never used to say that he was angry. But today, his anger had crossed limits. Tears welled up in my eyes. My heart blew up.
He left the house!
Then he even stopped talking to me. There was no longer any affection for me in his heart. Instead, anger and hatred had arisen in his heart. His entire attitude towards me had changed. As if we weren’t a couple. Such a distance had come between us!
However, I never disrespected him or insulted him. I stopped talking about spirituality with him. I used to prepare his meals, take care of his clothes; there was no trace of resentment towards him on my face or in any corner of my mind. Although, my heart was definitely sad. After all, I was a simple woman. I was a woman with a heart full of emotions and desires. I was not a complete conqueror of senses.
But I was not in the position to live according to his wishes. It was not possible for me to leave the company of Sadhviji. Amidst these circumstances, the river of our life was flowing.
One day, all of a sudden, he said to me, "Soma, you want to become a nun? When you do not like materialistic pleasures, what is the point of staying at home? Renounce  this world! Become a Sadhvi, leave the house and go away!”
I could not understand the signal behind his talk.
I was not able to give him happiness as per his wish. So he had decided to marry another girl. He had also talked to Nagdhi, the daughter of Seth Nagdev of the same city. But Nagdev Seth was a good friend of my father. So, he refused to marry his daughter in my presence. My husband was disappointed. He thought, "As long as Soma is alive, no one will give me a girl. That’s why, at first he urged me to become a nun. But when I did not accept his order, he thought of killing me and clearing the stone causing hindrance in the way!
He wanted a woman’s body, a figure of sensuality. The impulse of his sensuality was too much. Fire of hatred started burning in his mind towards me. He wanted to extinguish the fire of his sensual desires by marrying another woman. For him, I was an obstacle in his way.
He started looking for ways to put me in the mouth of death.
He found out a way of killing me in such a way that nobody would doubt or blame him. I couldn’t even imagine in my dream that my husband himself was looking for a chance to kill me. I was deciding the way of life in my own way. My faith in him remained the same. He took advantage of my trust.
The evening had set in. The shadows of darkness had descended on the earth. As per my habit, I went to my bedroom. There was another small room inside our bedroom which we hardly used.
He came and sat on the bed. He looked at me as I gave him a glass of water. He drank the water. Silence took over. He did not like anything about me, so I often wouldn’t speak at all. I used to just sit quietly.
He melted the ice of silence with the warmth of words.
He said, "Soma, how were you before? How much have you changed now?"
I didn’t feel like answering. My eyes were fixed on the ground.
“You only think about your own happiness. You want to keep your life pure so that in the next life you get the divine pleasures of heaven! Isn’t it? And I will go to the hell of your imagination. You keep looking at me from heaven. I will burn in the sorrows of hell and you be happy seeing that.
Oh silly lady! You are extremely foolish. In this life, you have lost materialistic pleasures in vain. And who knows whether your heaven even exists or not? Will you even be able to find happiness there? Will you be happy by making me sad? By explaining such deceitful things to you, that cunning nun has mesmerized you!”
I didn’t say anything. He used disrespectful words for Sadhviji. This was making my mind very upset. But I did not consider it appropriate to put my sorrow in words. Even if I said something, his anger was bound to boil over!
But because of my silence, he became more furious, "Why are you not speaking? Earlier, you used to teach me Dharm for hours when I was eager to enjoy pleasures with you. You used to pretend as if you were an embodiment of Dharm. Now when I am talking to you, why are you sitting with your mouth shut? I didn’t even think this way for you and you were not like this before. Coming to this city, that nun has set fire to my house.”
Even after trying hard, my tears could not stop. They started rolling down unstoppably.
He started preparing to go out.
He told me, "I have to go out. There is an earthen pot in the inner room in which there is a garland of flowers. Will you bring it? I have to take the garland.”
I stood up and quickly went to that room. Though it was dark in the room, yet I could see the pot kept in the middle of the room. I went ahead, lifted the lid and put my hand inside it. As soon as I put my hand inside, a poisonous snake bit me. Misunderstanding the snake to be a flower garland, I grabbed it and pulled it out. Throwing it in the room itself, I ran outside.
I shrieked, “I have been bitten by a snake, poison is spreading in my body.”
"What! Are you bitten by a snake?" He held my hand, caressed it and pretended to be upset.
Perhaps, this was a strategy to kill me. The intensity of the pain was shattering my body. I fell on the ground and started thrashing about.
He said, "I don’t know how to remove the venom of a snake. I don’t even know any person who takes it off. Oh! What happened? How did a snake come in that pot?”
He started moving around in the room. He just had to pass time so that the poison could spread all over my body and I would succumb to death.
I thought my death is certain now. I kept my spirit calm. There was no anger or hatred in my mind towards Rudradev.
I had attained right faith. The nature of the external world was well digested by me.
I apologized to all the living beings. I  tried to immerse my mind in the meditation of the divine.
Here, my husband started making noise.
The nerves in my body were bursting. Flames of fire were rising inside.
The house also seemed to move. Everything seemed to be spinning due to dizziness. I was lying unconscious on the ground.
I died.
My body was left behind.
My soul took birth as a deity in first heaven. There, my life span was of one palyopam years. I received many divine pleasures.
King Arimardan asked, "Lord, what happened to that evil Rudradev?"
Acharyaji said, “After the death of Soma, he married Nagshri, the daughter of Nagdev. For many years, he enjoyed materialistic pleasures. He died when his life span ended. After dying, he was incarnated in hell named Ratnaprabha. Even his age was of innumerable years over there.
For almost one palyopam years, he faced horrific tortures of hell.
Sinhakumar, then I (Dharmaghosh) asked, "What happened later, lord?"