I think im beginning to like my friend... again
I've known this dude for what seems like years truthfully Im pretty sure we met in 2018. Thats one, two, three, four years. When we met oh man I was in a relationship that sometimes I wish had never happened.
Ill talk about that another time.
We used to be best friends, but after some conflict and some blocking and unblocking. Obviously its not like before and I wouldn't expect it to be we've both done and said things that were really messed up but we've both understood and forgiven. After I broke up with my (then) boyfriend honestly I can't really remember how or when we started talking again, but I know that for like the past year I keep getting Idk what you would call it maybe small crushes? on him.
Idk there was a certain point were we both we obviously flirting with each other but never actually did anything about our feelings. My feelings for him have been weird to say the least like this man could've just talked to me while we played minecraft and my heart would get all these butterflies that was 2021 idk exactly what months my mind seems kinda foggy right now. After a while I kinda just told myself to get over it and I did for a while. Then my feelings started again but then I decided to play overwatch with him and some randoms and it just kind of felt like he was trying to much to seem cool to the others idk and during that process of that he ended up saying somestuff that completely got rid of the feelers for him like for a decent amount. I had even brought it up to him about me not liking/ agreeing with that he said. Its not like it was something were you could be like girl you're over reacting, like he even admitted that he shouldnt have actually said that it wasn't anything funny and like I said it felt like he said it because he was trying to fit in or be seen as something or someone else. I dont know if that makes sense.
ANYWAYS so literally like maybe two weeks ago I started thinking about him romantically again. I don't understand my brain sometimes, but like two days ago I was playing phasmophobia with him and oh man even thought we both died and what not it was really fun I had been looking foward to being able to play that with him since I got the game. After we hoth got off and decided to go to bed I was strugglingggg so much. All I kept thinking about was him literally everything it was so troubling to go to sleep. In the end I ended up having to scroll through tiktok for like 30 mins to try and think about something else which thankfully worked, but as much as I think he's great and all I don't want to like him. Theres nothing wrong with him but I just wish I didn't have these feelings for him. I don't want to ruin our friendship after we literally just made it better. Also I should mention that a couple years back he liked me maybe even loved me and that whole drama with that firstly we were both what I think 17 or 18 and both of us were stupid, So it ended up causing drama which led to the strain in our friendship. I know we don't think or act the way we used to like even if it hasnt been long we've both grown so much I don't want to even risk the chance of that happening again.
----A
