Missing You Is Easy

Loving You Is Forever

Max POV
"NO NO NO NO, LUCY NO NO" I'm woken up by loud screams, and me being violently kicked in the back so much so that I'm pushed hard against the hospital bed railings, I turn round and realise it's a sleeping Helen, she's having a nightmare. I grab her arms and hold her fighting forum "Helen, Helen baby it's okay I got you" but she continues to fight, I'm concerned she's going to bust a stitch, I try to reach for the call button but it's impossible to do with her fighting me like this, she's absolutely boiling and covered in sweat so I call for help. "Help someone one Help!" A team of nurses and drs come rushing in "Sir we need you to get off the bed" one of the dr's says but I shake my head "I've got her" I sternly say as I hold onto Helen right but before I know it I'm getting peeled off by a nurse who takes my place "Sir we have got her, please let us work" I stand watching as they push in meds to calm her down and speak calmly to her "Dr Sharpe, your okay, your okay Dr Sharpe" she soon starts to calm down "Temp 102, she's having a delayed reaction to the Anastasia" I push myself to her bed and grab her hand "Helen baby" she opens her eyes and starts crying hysterically "Max" She sobs, it breaks my heart to see her like this, "Lucy is dead" she murmurs as I pull her into my chest "I know baby, I know" She then starts to retch and ends up throwing up all over me which upsets her more, once the dr's get meds for her temperature, anti nausea and a light sedatives they leave. I quickly change into some spare clothes from my suitcase before getting back onto the bed and wrapping myself back round Helen, I look at my phone which says 3am and I sigh, nothing is more soul destroying than watching the strongest person I know break. I type out a quick text to Lauren as I forgot to send one earlier, I then wait for sleep to take me.

I wake up at 9am Helen is awake and just staring at the celling, I slowly squeeze her hand she looks at me with a unreadable expression on her face "I'm sorry bout last night" she mumbles, I shake my head as I pull her hand up to my lips "You don't have anything to be sorry about" she just looks at me silently before wincing in discomfort "where do you hurt?" I ask and she just shrugs "mmm everywhere" I hate that I can't make the pain go away, "when are you going back?" She asks quietly, I look at her confused she's clearly forgotten that she asked me to never leave again? Or she just thinks I didn't mean it when I said I wouldn't but before I can question her a nurse comes in "Good Morning Dr Sharpe" she then looks at me unsure "and Good Morning Mr Sh..." "Dr Goodwin her partner" I interrupt as I get off the bed and she nods then directs her attention back towards Helen "how's your pain this morning? Are you feeling a little better since lastnight?" I sit in the chair as Helen speaks to the nurse, her obs are taken and pain relief are given, "here's the menu for breakfast, the dr will be in to see you soon you will also be transferred out of the ICU and onto a ward, so I won't see you but I promise someone just as nice will look after you, She squeezes Helen's hand as I thank her and then she leaves. I then hold Helen's hand "your very quiet" I say and she just continues to fiddle with the menu, I sigh "Helen do you remember what you asked me lastnight? When I first arrived?" She scrunches up her face, deep in thought struggling to remember but finally shaking her head "that's ok, I'm not expecting you with the concussion and all but Helen you asked me not to go again and I agreed" she looks at me shocked but then looks away before putting the menu down "I was concussed Max and on very strong painkillers, I didn't know what I was saying" I play with her fingers as she avoids my gaze "I think you did sweetheart, look I'm only helping out at the Dam because  you wanted me too, if you want me to stay then I will stay here, nothing is more important than you and right now" she takes her hand out of mine and shakes her head "I will be fine Max, look if you leave now you could still make it into NY before the afternoon" I look at her completely puzzled "Helen, I'm not leaving you especially now; your hurt and the recovery will be impossible to do alone" she just shrugs "I will be fine Max" she says numbly, I take a deep breath getting slightly frustrated but knowing that's not what she needs right now, I lift her chin and turn it so she's facing me as I stare right into her eyes "You are not fine" I say simply and with those little words the wall that she had built begins to break as tears fall from eyes down her cheeks, I pull her into my chest as she continues to sob "I got you babe, I got you" I whisper into her ear as I kiss her head, just then the breakfast staff come in with different choices, they look at me awkwardly as Helen continues to cry into my chest, I point to the tray which has a breakfast tea, two slices of marmite toast and a fruit cup, "and you sir?" The lady ask quietly, I point to another tray which has a black coffee, peanut butter toast and an apple "thank you" I mouth as she puts the trays on the table and leaves. Helen cries hard into my chest her sobs are loud and heavy, this is more than physical pain, this is more than emotional pain from losing a patient this is something more and I so wish I knew what was going on in her head.