Oregairu: Reappearance

Chapter 14: Walking away

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"Librarian?...I suppose that is within the realm of possibility, however, for everything else, for you to find employment so quickly..."

Her words felt like daggers, as always. And to at least stop the bleeding, I would admit:

"I had...many...obstacles"

Just saying so was suffering, yet to not concede would only bite me in the rear later.

After putting it like that, she wouldn't complain anymore, right?

"That's more like it"

With her eyes closed, she spoke in satisfaction, she really wouldn't let me off.

That had continued from the start of this talk, as she pushed for more and more from me, and asked for every detail.

The more I spit out, the more she critiques the spit, the number of blades in me couldn't be counted anymore, it wasn't blunt, it wasn't heavy, nevertheless, they cut deep into me.

She pressed me for more. Perhaps it knows no bounds, her desire to know.

"Though, what about now?"

"Hmm?"

I merely glanced at her, prepared to answer again.

"What are you doing right now?"

I sensed concern in her voice, though, I suppose it's also condescending, to say it like that, it was very much like her.

But from her face, one, earnestly asking, and with those pair of deep blue glaring at me, to ignore her, to not answer her would be wrong, that's just how it was, but...

I could bend the truth, I could twist my words to make them sound different, I could make her misunderstand, I could lie.

Yet, I didn't feel like I could, doing it to her of all people would have left a bad taste in my mouth.

I could do all that to someone else, but for her, it was a different case. On the other hand, for the truth to come out, there will be consequences, there will be sacrifices.

Was I willing to take them?

"Freelance"

It was casual, a simple answer.

Freelance, it's not completely incorrect, I do work when I want to.

But in that moment, I wanted to punch myself, I wanted to correct myself, I wanted to confess and say the truth, even so, this pathetic compromise was all I could manage. Even if I looked untroubled on the outside, I was in total chaos from within.

"Freelance, you say?"

(She bought it?)

"It suits you well"

She still wasn't 't done, she's still condescending, it seemed she'd continue to do this for every word I said.

I ignored her snicker, for what I concerned myself with was only, yes, what I'd said, she'd responded, now, there was no taking it back, I'd done it.

Now, I could only hide. Hide from her through this disgusting deceit that I myself made.

But, what to do now? This talk could end right now, I've told her everything that I could, yet, even though I've said my piece to her, she hasn't done so to me.

While I was being squeezed dry, she didn't offer anything on her side, maybe she didn't want to? Maybe it was because I didn't ask...let's change that.

"What about you? What have you been up to?"