hold on to the memories (they will hold on to you)

i want your midnights

a/n originally published on january 1, 2021

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Gina's never had a kiss— let alone a New Year's kiss.

She's at a small New Year's Eve party with her friends now, and it's not a new feeling, but she's never been hit by it this intensely before. Maybe it's because she has a little alcohol flowing in her blood.

But she stands in Ashlyn's kitchen, staring at all her friends from the counter, each one seated next to their partner and—

A wave of longing rushes through her like wildfire, all-consuming and so powerful her knees almost buckle. It feels like the breath is driven from her chest as if someone had wrung out her heart and lungs.

Gina steadies herself by grabbing the handle of the refrigerator, the cool metal grounding her as her head spins. She takes a few deep breaths.

It's halfway through junior year, and she's turning 17 this year, and... she's never kissed anyone. She presses her forehead against the fridge. The cool temperature feels nice and cuts through the slight alcohol-induced rushing blur of her thoughts.

She hears tentative footsteps behind her, just before a soft voice, says, "Hey."

And she whirls around to find herself face-to-face with Nini.

Her heart stumbles in her chest, lurching as if she's moving forward and she's leaving it behind, maybe because she's startled, maybe because...

"Nini," she says breathlessly, "hey. I'm just, uh, here for a-"

"Root beer?" Nini cuts in with a soft smile.

Her heart does that little flip thing again. Too much alcohol, maybe. Her cheeks do feel a little warm.

"I..." Nini tips her head. "Yeah," she ends up saying, pulling open the refrigerator door to grab a can of soda, one for herself and one for Nini.

"You getting déjà vu too?" Nini takes the root beer with a quiet thank you and a smile, holding it between her hands.

"Ah, Thanksgiving," Gina recalls.

"Yeah. You gonna stay over this time?"

"Yeah, actually," she says. "I sort of live here now."

"Oh, right," she says, and huffs quietly to herself with self-deprecating laughter.

After a moment of silence, Nini sets down her root beer on the counter, and leans back against it, hands pressed behind her on the countertop. "I, uh, I came here to check on you, actually."

"What do you mean?" Gina puts down the can in her hand.

The other girl shrugs, looking at their friends. "Well, it's almost midnight, and you're alone in the kitchen."

She grins ruefully. "Ah."

"You okay?"

Gina nods. "Of course."

"Gina! Nini!" Someone calls from the living room. "We're counting down!"

Neither of them moves.

Nini looks at Gina.

A chorus of shouts echoes from the living room as the students watch a replay of the Times Square ball drop.

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"

"I..."

"Six! Five! Four!"

Gina takes a shaky breath.