-Not your bitch-{hawk/Eli x reader}

10

I've been thinking...about Jake and how all of our texts have been 'I can't today', 'Sorry', 'Gn/Gm'. I know me and Jake aren't dating but to be honest i feel bad the im sneaking around with Hawk.

For all i know Hawk could just be using for a fuck.

I continue writing in my diary but then i hear a rock hit my window so I get up to go see if those little brats are messing with my brother again. 

I look down and see a tall figure with layed down red hair...Hawk?

I open the window, "Hawk is that you?"The boy looks up so i can see his face. It is him. I let him climb up. He was still wet from the rain so i gave him some of pjs that my dad used to wear. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

So we just sit there looked into one another's eyes, as i was looking at his eyes i noticed that they were red. Was he just crying or am i tripping. "Hawk uh were you just crying"I asked i mean i had to my curiosity got the best of me.

When i thought he was just going to sit there i was about to demand him to tell me, but then he- he hugs me. I was startled by this action but nonetheless i hug him back, "Is ok if i uh stay here for a lil. I would ask miguel but his house is a bit far-"I interrupt by saying, "Of course but my dad cannot see you at all costs"He nods understanding.

We were now laying down cuddling i was sure he was asleep, but i just couldn't go to sleep i wanted to know why he was crying but i also didn't want to push my limits. I got up because it was to hot and i was wearing long sleeves to bed.

I strip off my shirt so i'm left with my bra and shorts. I lay back in bed, suddenly i feel a hand run up my thigh. I look up just meet Hawk's eyes on me, "Hawk we can't"As much as i really wanted to i needed to figure out my feelings towards him and towards Jake.

"Why not?"He frowns pulling me on top of him, "Because i need to figure out what this is"I look him straight in the eye. Before he can respond i continue, "I don't know if your just using me for like a quick fuck, and i do feel bad for Jake."

I really wanted him to say something because i was getting mad worried. He looks down as if in guilt.

"I'm not using you i really do like y/n"He then looks up at me and cups my cheek with his palm.

"Then why don't you take me out on a date or hold my hand or do anything but fuck me"Was i saying i wanted him to be my boyfriend.

"I haven't dated since Moon and I, and i really don't think dating is for me. And plus i can't date a larusso"I feel a sharp pain as the words come out of his mouth.

I got off of his lap and turned to my side not facing him, "Whatever"I spat.

I hate him I hate him so much

I knew things were to good to be true.