All Shades of Magic

Queenie

The next few weeks flew by in a blur. I chose Zinta to help me with my royal events. Kimi was great, but I needed Zinta for this. And besides, Kimi helped with the peace ball anyway. Somehow, the 2 of them didn't meet. But I was ok with that. It wasn't like I had ever mentioned one to the other.

The entire weeks were spent planning. I barely slept, and when I did the Society of the Dark Moon haunted my dreams. I cried so much. Over my dad, in fear, because of Kimi. memories and sorrow filled my head. I used magic to get me to fall asleep a few times. Not with a spell, but many spells wearing me out to the point of collapse. There was no other way for me to sleep. It was never very easy for me, but now it was impossible.

I spent my rare free moments thinking about how I would act in my role of queen. I read many long dull kingdom records and useful books. Researching until my brain was fried. Zinta was the only thing that kept me from completely going mad. Kimi too, but I was seeing less and less of her. She too had royal duties after the time of war, and our balcony visits were limited immensely. I missed her during the night, when i couldn't rest my brain nor my body.

Zinta was staying at the palace, so she taught me a bunch of cool spells to keep my mind going when I couldn't fall asleep at night, they helped me not over stress too much. But still, nerves and sadness filled my body every day as I worked, or slept, or simply did anything at all.

Kimi told me more about herself, when we did have spare moments together. I think she felt bad for being reserved since I was always so much more open about myself. I learned many things about her.

She likes the violin.

She has 3 siblings, two step-siblings and one biological sibling who went with her mom.

She loves to train for her missions and self-defense, and even the captain of her royal guard swears she's better than him. Although he won't admit it to anyone but her, and everyone says it behind his back.

She can ride horses.

Her favorite color is pink, but she never wears it because it clashes with her hair (and her aesthetic).

She got the idea to come onto my balcony from a romance novel, which she recommended to me and I promised to read whenever I could. I haven't started it yet. Maybe after my coronation.

She loves music.

Even though she's still a little afraid, she thinks magic is kinda cool. She says she doesn't want to learn it, but totally wants to see it. She even recommended training together so we can go into battle with perfectly synchronized movements. I accepted immediately. But of course I did, because Kimi and her training has always been such a thing I couldn't stand not to be a part of.

And most importantly, Kimi thinks i'm awesome. She constantly compliments me on my planning, my magic, what I'm wearing, my hair. She's told me I'm awesome plenty of times, but I tell her she's wrong.

Because no one is better than Kimi.

I've also learned a lot about Zinta, but I already knew so much about her. Still there's always room for more.

I learned she likes to read, that she's friendly towards everyone, not just those she likes. She gives you hugs whenever you see her and waves when she catches you glancing in her direction. She has tourette syndrome, which she told me after she spilled some tea because of a tic on accident. I told her it was fine. She has a journal, she lets me read a few entries. Some pages were notes, or lists. Some were spells and potions. But some entries were just about her days and experiences. It was fun to read.

My most important thing for Zinta is that she will always be there to back me up. She will always be there for me, and I will be there for her too. I'm sure that's true for Kimi as well, but Zinta makes it obvious in small gestures. Staying up late with me, cuddling me when I have a bad dream, making me eat. It's nice.

It reminds me of what it must feel like to have a mother.

But tonight is the night before my coronation. I'm nervous and am having more trouble than usual sleeping. I was thinking about having Zinta stay up so I could talk to her, but I could tell she was exhausted. I couldn't wear her out. That would be unfair. I told her to get rest.

So I'm alone tonight. Under the moon on my balcony.

I already know Kim Is not coming. Her family is having a feast for a small, family celebration to glorify the end of the war. Still, I stayed out on the balcony and counted stars. It was an old tradition my dad taught me when I was young.

"If you ever get so nervous you can barely think," He said, when I started not sleeping and stressing over every detail, "Just count the stars in the sky. There are so many, you'll never count them all, just like all the tasks in the world. You wont get them all right,"

"But won't that just make me sad?" I had asked, confused.

"No, it will make you inspired. Because just look at the stars, how couldn't you be inspired by them?" He had chuckled. I remember looking up at the sky where the sun was setting and smiling and saying.

"One!" while pointing at the orange sun dipping beneath the mountains. Dad had laughed. We stayed up until we had counted hundreds of stars. The night was clear, so we got a perfect view of the sky. We just sat on the balcony and counted.

Since then, I've counted millions of stars. I know loads of the constellations. I can name which ones are actually just planets way out in the distance. I had never shown anyone all the stars though. Then it would feel like everything else, public. Stars are something I've got to myself. Just for me.

I wasn't worn out enough for sleep. I should've been, because I felt exhausted. But every time I laid down I just laid there, awake. Zinta suggested a doctor, or therapist, but I said no. Rumors spread like flus in winter around the kingdoms. No one needed to know the queen was almost crumbling under nightmares, depression, trauma, anxiety, and pressure after only my first few weeks.

It was late though. And I really needed to try and sleep. I had a big day tomorrow, and I couldn't have eyebags on my coronation day. I counted exactly 257 more stars until I went to sleep, or laid down and tried to sleep.

Maybe if Kimi were here to cuddle me and make me walk for hours I would sleep.

What a fun theory that would be to test.