❝Oceans Within Us❞ || Taekook

9~

They stayed hugging for quite some time, letting silence speak for the emotions that they're going through and their racing heartbeats indicate the delight of having reciprocated feelings— feelings for each other that they had for so long and blossomed over time.

"I can't just be your best friend anymore, hyungie." Jeongguk pushed him gently so they're face to face. "Be mine. I /am/ yours."

There were so many why's in Taehyung's head. Why now? Just… why?

He was disinclined to say no, but he /had/ to. "W-we can't, Gukkie. We can't be more than friends." There's an apology to his eyes, misery in the downturn of his mouth.

He practically saw Jeongguk's heart shatter into a hundred pieces in front of him. The boy retracted his hands from his shoulders and asked, "why?"

"It's not right. It— it feels wrong."

Jeongguk's brows furrowed deeper and he asked more forcefully, "why?"

"Because," Taehyung shrugged, closed his eyes as he tried so hard to hold on to his resolve. "Because you're just 16."

"Wha—” the other stuttered. "What does my age have to do with this?"

"It has everything to do with /our/ age, Gukkie. And— you're young. There are so many things for you out there, things you haven't explored yet, so many people you could meet—"

Jeongguk cut him off. "If we feel the same way about each other, then why can't we /commit/? Stop saying I'm young as if you're way, way older than I am. We're just two years apart."

"Exactly, I am two years older than you. I have a better understanding—"

"When did you realize that you have romantic feelings for me?" Jeongguk narrowed his eyes, his tone bordering on annoyance now.

The other fell quiet for a few seconds. His heart ached for him, for himself, for the both of them. "When I was 15."

He rewarded him with a snicker. "See? If you could be so sure about your feelings for me at that age, then how is my case now so different?"

Taehyung sighed sadly. "You don't understand it, do you? I'm 18 and an adult." He enunciated each word with precision. "You're still 16 and a /child/."

The younger's face twisted. He regarded Taehyung as if his words were a betrayal.

Taehyung reached out to him but he shook off his touch.

"Even when we were kids, I—" Jeongguk started, there's an accusation in his voice. "You... You've always said that age /doesn't/ matter."

"I know… but it does now. It does when it comes to this. It does because I'm of legal age and you're not."

The rigidness went out of Jeongguk's body. His shoulders drooped and he fell silent. He lowered his gaze at the pale blue bed sheet, unblinking even when Taehyung started shaking him gently.

"Gukkie…" Taehyung gripped his chin and lifted his face up, willing Jeongguk to look at him. He kept staring down, however.

He uttered silently, just above his breath, "I am mature enough to know that I want you. Who cares if I'm a minor, anyway?"

"Oh, Gukkie…" Taehyung cupped his cheeks. "I do. Everyone would. You should too." He hugged Jeongguk again, one of his hands rubbing his back. "And I'm not rejecting /us/. All I'm saying is that the time isn't right for us to be having labels, and that I will /wait/ for you."

Taehyung hated how timing wasn't very good to them. They're always a step behind. It made him think about kids ready to bathe in the rain but rain never comes, and of kites flying not so smoothly because the wind is blowing a bit strongly.

Every year since he came to realize he's in love with Jeongguk, there's always a but: he loves him but Jungkook was 13 and he's just so young. Jeongguk was 14 already but Taehyung overheard the Jeon couple say that they didn't approve of their son being in a relationship yet.

Jeongguk moved to the city at 15 years old but Taehyung knew he'll eventually leave for university.

And then, at that very moment, Taehyung got to know that Jeongguk returned the same feelings, but he's 16 and Taehyung's already 18.

Jeongguk ended up sleeping with his back to Taehyung, refusing to return his cuddles.

The next day, the younger's spirits were still low but he said he understood Taehyung's point.

He helped Taehyung with his luggages and held his hand all the way to the train station.