Cold As Ice

Chapter 15

Allie was off the next day - the day of Carlisle's return, as confirmed by Alice. She'd had grand plans to get up early, tidy up Carlisle's room, and freshen herself for his return. The events of their first few days together had been so chaotic that Allie really hadn't had a chance to put her best foot forward. Although she wasn't sure whether Carlisle would notice, or care, about things like perfume, makeup, or figure-hugging clothes, Allie knew it would boost her own confidence to put on a little bit of a show for him.

But, instead, she found that she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. She stayed under the covers long into the late morning, neither sleeping nor relaxing, half-swaddled half-hiding in the ludicrously high thread-count sheets. Per usual, a gentle rain was tapping on the glass windows and weaving intricate rivulets down the panes. Allie watched the patterns with disinterest. She felt frozen with grief. Although she assumed other people in the world had much more explosive spats with their family before, Allie knew her cousin and herself too well to make the mistake of thinking this would blow over. The stakes were too high, and the lines were drawn too deeply now.

Even when her episodes were at their worst, Allie had never felt so out of control and so alone. She wished she could regret meeting Carlisle, but she found that she couldn't bring herself to do that, which made her hate herself. She wished she could slip out of her own skin and leave herself behind for a few hours. Allie felt like she couldn't get away from her own thoughts, and she desperately needed to. She'd lost clarity, perspective, and now things were spinning too fast for her to stop. She just needed a break, to breathe, to think, to make a plan. What was she going to do next? Where was she going to live? Was she going to get married to Carlisle? Become a vampire? And since she (apparently) couldn't do that, what then? Grow old and die next to a perpetually mid-30's year old?

Allie was sunk so deep in her own whirlpool of uncertainty that she didn't hear Alice enter, even though Alice had announced her arrival to avoid startling Allie.

"Albrun?" Alice said again. This time, Allie heard her, and turned impassively to face her. Lurking in the doorway behind her was Edward, with a retiring Bella Swan clinging to his arm like a vine. "Carlisle will be here soon," Alice continued, coming to rest lightly on the edge of the bed.

"OK." It was all Allie could manage to say. She turned away from the three of them, returning her gaze to the rivulets of water on the glass outside. A tense silence settled over the group as someone waited for Allie to speak and as she waited for them to leave.

"I'm sorry about your cousin," Edward eventually spoke up, his voice gentle. Allie wasn't surprised; she knew Edward had read her thoughts when she'd come into the house sobbing obnoxiously last night. She'd overheard him talking to Alice and Emmett about what he'd seen of the interaction from Allie's memory.

"It's probably for the best," he went on, rushing to add, "that this happened sooner rather than later."

Allie turned back to shoot him a dark glare. She knew he meant well, but Allie wasn't in the mood. And the fact that Alice had stayed notably quiet on the subject told Allie all she needed to know about Ingrid's mind. If there was even a slimmer of a chance that Ingrid would waiver on her threat, Alice would have seen their eventual reunion and told her. But Alice had nothing to add on the subject, all but confirming that this was now the permanent state of affairs in Allie's life.

"I'd rather be alone," Allie eventually said gruffly. "Tell Carlisle I'm sorry, but that goes for him too."

Part of her wanted to see Carlisle, but she also felt a strange sense of obligation to her grief. It was too soon, and it just seemed disrespectful to Ingrid to have a happy reunion with Carlisle right now. Allie wasn't sure if she'd have any luck sifting through her thoughts in isolation, but she suspected that Carlisle would only add more chaos to the mix, despite his best intentions.