Cold As Ice

Chapter 20

Allie felt a chill run down her spine as she surveyed the moon-drenched hills from the balcony of Aro's bedchamber. It had been two days since she'd surfaced from the mating bond (a term she'd made up on her own to describe the strange, waking-from-a-dream state she'd felt the morning she'd found Marcus in her chambers). Those two days plus the four she'd already spent in Volterra with Aro meant it had been almost a week since she'd left Forks. She hadn't realized how much Forks had felt like home until she was gone from it. The world felt utterly changed, and Allie knew deep in her soul that she'd never feel the warmth of coming home again. The longer she lived with the knowledge of her powers, the less human she felt. Some sensations - like the comfort of a home, the purpose of a career, the ties of family - seemed to be receding into her memory faster than she could process.

In the emptiness that her human experiences left, Allie felt fear growing inside her. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of failure. It was a stronger fear than the day-to-day worries of a mortal life. The stakes were higher now. Allie had found herself inserted into the very center of a storyline that, according to Marcus, was timeless. She still didn't know how to ground herself into something that massive. She felt untethered, like a shift adrift on an endless ocean.

The moon is beautiful tonight, is it not?

Allie was jarred from her reverie by the uncertain, almost tender voice of Aro echoing inside her mind. His tone was laced with concern; Allie didn't doubt it was because he could sense her melancholy through the mating bond. Marcus had explained the power of the bond to her several times, but it caught Allie by surprise nonetheless. Mates possess the ability to communicate with one another across space, he'd informed her when she'd asked him why she could have conversations with Aro when he was supposedly "away on business".

It is

Allie still hadn't mastered the art of talking back to Aro through the bond. Marcus had assured her it was a skill that required practice, but Aro's powers were considerable and he'd likely be able to hear her even if she wasn't as clear as she could be.

Are you nearby? she asked, trying to imagine Aro's face in her mind. It helps if you can picture your mate when using the bond, Marcus instructed her. The chill that had slithered up her spine only moments before was replaced by a warm coil of lust as she pictured her mate's face. The feelings she had when she thought of Aro bordered on madness. It was as if he swallowed up her very essence in himself. She had to practice an enormous amount of self-control to avoid sinking into the temptation of picturing him constantly. Her bodily needs - food, sleep - got subsumed by a ravenous fire in her gut and she felt her consciousness sinking like a stone into a disoriented, fugue-like state. It felt like her amnesic episodes, but intensified.

She took a steadying breath and forced herself to inventory her five senses - sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch - as a means to ground herself. It was an old grounding skill one of her therapists had taught her when she'd originally sought psychological help for her episodes of memory loss.

Close, but not close enough

Aro's reply was drenched in double meaning, and Allie felt her heart lurch in her chest at the implications. She wondered if he could read her body's automatic responses through the bond.

Marcus said you'd be home soon

There was a few moments of silence through the bond before Allie heard his reply. It felt guarded, although Allie couldn't tell if it was because Aro was trying to keep something from her or suppress some of his own emotions.

Tomorrow, maybe the next day. Soon

Allie wasn't sure whether she wanted Aro to come home or stay away. Her body was eager to be with him, as if it were answering to a biological impulse above and beyond her control. Her mind, however - at least the part of it that still felt like hers - was deeply conflicted. She bucked against the urgency of her body, unhappy with the way she melted into mindlessness under Aro's influence. It felt invasive and violative in a way she couldn't quite explain. She wanted to choose her partner; this felt much more like something had chosen for her.