That's How We Met ('tis the damn season) [Merder]

Losing you

"You were right. Thank you for convincing me."
"I miss you."
"Are you asleep?"
"Love you. I'll see you tomorrow."

These messages could be read on Meredith's phone as she opened her eyes in her hotel bed. Derek had sent them last night after hanging out with Mark but she was already asleep by then. She had spent some time with Amelia and then they both had gone back to the hotel to get some rest.

Meredith smiled as she picked up her phone and read the messages. She missed him too, even though they had been apart for just a few hours. She couldn't imagine being on the other side of the continent, miles and miles separating her from him.

"I love you too."
"Sorry for not texting you back last night. Didn't see the messages, I was asleep."

"It's okay" he immediately wrote back.
"I was worried and asked Amelia and she said you were asleep, so I didn't call. I didn't wanna wake you."

"Where are you?" She asked.

"On my way to your hotel." He replied.

Meredith smiled, all she wanted was to snuggle with him all day. The weather was pretty cold. It had snowed the entire night. Everything looked magical outside.

She was laying in her bed, looking out of the window when she heard the knock on the door. She knew it was him and he had a key, so she didn't say anything. The door was soon opened and Derek walked in, dreamy as always.

"Hi" he smiled at her, walking over to her bed.

"Hi" she smiled back as he sat on the bed next to her, leaning down to kiss her lips.

"So what's the plan for today?" He asked.

"Snuggling. We're just gonna snuggle a lot." She said, pulling him in for another kiss.

"That's the plan?"

"That's the plan."

"Mer, we can't just snuggle the whole day. Plus, I have to go to the hospital later."

"Well, maybe for a little bit then. Now get in the bed and hold me." She ordered, her face getting serious for a second before they both burst into laughter.

"You're so cute when you're pretending to be mad." He kissed her cheek as he got in bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her small body. He buried his head in her hair, breathing her scent in, getting lost in a moment. They laid like that for a while. No one moved, no one said a word. They melted into each other's embrace. It was perfect.

"So, how'd it go with Mark?" She asked, finally breaking the comfortable silence.

"Surprisingly well." He said, smiling.

"You know I need more information than that." She told him, wanting to know everything.

"We hung out. It felt almost like the old times. I don't know, for a moment I felt like you were right, that maybe we could work things out."

"I'm not sure if this is the right time to say I told you so, but I told you so. But seriously, I'm glad you're trying to work it out. I really think it'll be good for both of you." She told him as she kissed his cheek, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"You're a godsend, Meredith Grey, you know that, right?" She laughed at his question. "No, Mer, I'm serious. Since the day you came into my life, you completely changed it, for good. You make it worth living, you bring me happiness. You make me kinder and more compassionate and forgiving. You make me better." He sincerely told her, kissing her face in between sentences.

A tear rolled down her cheeks as he said this. She had never felt so loved and appreciated as she did at this moment. Sometimes she felt like the amount of love she felt when she was with him was too much for her, like her heart couldn't take that much happiness. Her entire life had been full of tears and pain, and now it was anything but that.

"You make me better too." She told him, kissing his cheeks. "I love you, Derek. I love you so much. I don't know how I'll survive in Seattle without you." She told him genuinely, not being able to hold back the tears. She was never this vulnerable with anyone. She always had her guard up, ready to fight anyone who'd try to get even slightly close, but he made her feel like it was okay to cry, to be herself, to be vulnerable.

"I love you too, Mer. I don't know how I'll survive without you either." He told her, bringing her body closer to his.

The comfortable silence was soon disturbed by the heavy thoughts coming to both their minds. Would they make it? That was the question that both wanted to have the answer to, but they didn't know.

"Mer" he finally broke the silence.

"Hmm," she hummed, too lost in her thoughts to say anything else.

"When are you going back to Seattle?" He asked, avoiding the word leaving. He hated the word. It reminded him that she'd soon be taken away from him. All he wanted was to be with her and the universe kept getting in a way of that.

"Tomorrow." She whispered like if she didn't say it out loud it wouldn't turn into reality. His breath hitched as he heard her words. It was too soon. He couldn't let go of her so soon.

"Mer" he whispered in her ear, tears rolling down his eyes.

"Please don't ask me to stay again, because this time I might say yes and I can't do that, so please don't." She uttered, burying her head in his chest, letting the tears fall from her eyes.

"Okay." He said, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, feeling guilty.

"Hey, there's nothing for you to be sorry for. It's not your fault that we leave so far away from each other." He kissed her eyes, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "What if..." He was interrupted by the sound of his phone. "I gotta go. My patient is at serious risk of rapturing an aneurysm, I gotta take care of it." He said kissing her cheek as he got out of the bed. "I'm sorry, I really wanted to spend the whole day with you." He apologized.

"It's okay, I need time to pack my stuff anyway." She told him.

"Okay. I'll try to be back soon." He kissed her on the lips. "Love you," he told her, heading to the door.

"Love you too." She said as he closed the door. She fell back into bed the moment he left. Tears were streaming down her face. She felt like dying. She knew she shouldn't have let herself fall so deep for him when she knew she was gonna lose him from the start. She let herself cry till she couldn't cry anymore, feeling every bit of emotion. She was never the one to cry for a man. She never even believed in love, so she didn't have anything to cry about. She always thought she'd be happier alone. She'd have her friends, her work. She thought someone in her life all the time would be more trouble than it’s worth, but apparently, she got over it. But there was a reason she said she'd be happier alone. It wasn’t because she thought she'd be happy alone. It was because she thought if she loved someone and it fell apart, she might not make it. It’s easier to be alone because what if you learn you need love and then you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This could go on forever. That was the hardest part. Knowing she was going to lose him was the hardest part. She always thought of herself as a strong and confident woman who doesn't need a man to be happy. Now she realized she could be a strong and confident woman and also have a man to love and be loved by. Now that she realized this she was losing the man that made her feel that way. The emotions were overflowing from her heart, tears streaming down her face as she fell asleep.

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️

I'm sorry it took me so long to update! I had no idea what to write. I feel like this chapter's bit all over the place because I didn't know how to go on with the story. I guess I just gave the story somewhere to go on with this, you'll see it later. I don't know if I like this chapter but I hope you do. I'll try to update as soon as I can! ❤️

Please comment your thoughts and recommendations, I really need some new ideas! 💡