Annihilation

Scars

"You made it to the car." I observed after gathering the bags of supplies Yoongi left at the end of the road and pushing the motorcycle he'd taken to rest against the side of the house. I returned to find him digging through the bag of food I packed, a frown line in his forehead.

"And you ate my chili mac." He shook the empty bag dramatically, the few cans and pouches of food I had left spread out on the coffee table.

I laughed, sitting with my legs crossed next to him. "I had to, I was losing my mind here and the chili mac was my last bit of hope." I froze at the word, his eyes flickering to mine at the same time, the word a trigger for the memory of those scribbled on sneakers and smile that always felt like the sunrise. Neither of us said anything about it, a silent mourning in the air before I changed the subject. "Do you think the others will go toward the city like you did?"

He shrugged, sitting back with a nonchalant expression on his face. "Maybe, if the herd didn't push them further away. It's better to accept that we'll probably never see them again, Alena." His response filled me with ire and I stood, taking in the disconnected look in his eyes.

"How can you think that? You came and found me so that can't be how you really feel." I crossed my arms. I wasn't ready for that line of thinking, for believing that I wouldn't see them, or even Shelby, again.

"I wasn't looking for you. I only thought you might be alive when I found your note at the stream." He reached into his pocket, the small note I left in the crack of a rock pinched between two fingers.

I snatched it away from him. "You took it. What if–"

"Don't worry I left one in its place." He rolled his eyes.

I sat back down, rolling the small paper in my hand. "See, you do want to see them again." I chided.

He shook his head. "Of course I do, but I can't be so emotional about it. When there's all this emotion, like you have right now, it makes it harder to focus on surviving this thing." He sighed. "It's why I told Jungkook–"

"Told Jungkook what?" I questioned when he cut off his statement.

"Not to have the feelings for you that he does." He finished.

I smacked my lips at him, ignoring the part about Jungkook having feelings for me. "I don't know if you remember Yoongi, but I studied psych before all of this and I can see right through that giant layer of not caring you put up. For you to act the way you do, you must have really loved whoever it was that hurt you so bad." I said.

He wouldn't look at me, his eyes far away, but when a tear slipped from the corner of his eye he swiped it away quickly, clearing his throat and leaning forward with a shake of his head. "Don't analyze me like that."

"I'm sorry," I leaned closer to him, though I could see that he was shutting off from me, "but I care about all of you. I would die for you and I know you'd do the same for me or any of them. We can survive all we want out here, but it doesn't mean anything without people who make it worth it." I reached to grab his hand. We both sat back against the cushion and I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Okay, we'll wait for them and trust that they'll try for the city. Maybe they'll find their way here and will manage to avoid falling into that big ass hole you dug in the front yard." He chuckled, lightening the mood.

I laughed along with him. "You managed to avoid it." I noted.

"Only because I'm the one who taught you all the traps." He replied. "I knew it was you here as soon as I saw them. I'm glad I found you." He confessed, squeezing my hand.

I looked over to him and he turned his head to me. "Tell me about her." I requested, clarifying when his brow raised in question. "About the girl you were in love with."

He looked forward again, something about the vulnerability always making it difficult for him to meet my eye. "I don't talk about what happened." His voice had a slight edge to it.

"You should remember her." I replied, realizing a moment later that it was a selfish thought, that he deserved to grieve the way he needed. "I shouldn't have said that. I just meant that I don't care about what happened. I care about knowing the person who was able to put up with your stubborn ass." I nudged his shoulder with mine.

He snickered. "She used to say that all the time, Sam." He spoke her name with a longing that told me he didn't say it often. He started to reveal little bits of her, that she was always most frustrated with his stubbornness and need to be in control, and that she talked in her sleep about him, the way she first confessed her love.

"She enjoyed forcing me into slow dancing. She made up these weird traditions and rituals, so everytime we found somewhere new to stay she insisted we needed to dance, whether we had music or not. She said it was good luck but she just wanted to dance with me." It was beautiful to imagine and to hear the adoration in his voice as he reminisced. "That's when I told her I loved her, every time we danced."

It was darker throughout the house, only lit by the reflection of the moon outside, but I could see the glisten in Yoongi's eyes. I touched my thumb to his cheeks, wiping at the tears that fell from his eyes, the line of the scar over his eye raised against my skin.

"We should dance." I suggested, standing with my hand still in his. He stilled with resistance. "Please, let's honor her since you're somewhere new tonight. Plus, I don't think I've ever slow danced with anyone, not even at senior prom." I beckoned him further, letting go of his hand to squat next to the small radio on the entertainment stand, crossing my fingers that the batteries still worked as I powered it on, the display glowing to life.

There was a CD player on top and a place for a cassette tape on the front. I opened each of them, giggling at the tape left behind, the peculiar taste of the former realtor I guessed.

When I clicked play James Brown's raspy and soulful voice cried out through the small speakers. I stood and turned around to find Yoongi right behind me. He was gentle as he put a hand on the middle of my back, the other placed just above. I kept my own around his neck and resting on his shoulder, letting him lead me as he rocked slowly to the music.

While we danced he told me more, the parts that were hard to remember, that haunted him. They'd met with another group in their journey south, even more vindictive than Leon and his men, who captured the entire group. He made the mistake of challenging the leader, and after observing Yoongi's affection for Sam, he killed her right in front of his eyes. He intended to blind Yoongi so that the last thing he saw was the death of his love, the distraction that led to their narrow escape resulting in a slight miss that left him with the deep cut over his eye.

I pulled him against me when I heard a slight hiccup in his breathing, the shoulder of my t-shirt damp from the tears on his face. I hadn't let someone hold me, but when he stretched his hands to the top of my back, deepening our embrace, I didn't stop him.

He whispered in my ear as the music came to an end, barely audible above the love song that played, three words that were a memory for her.