Color Me Crimson | 𝘙𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦 𝘝𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘦

2͓5͢

The emotional toll of the day weighs down my eyelids once dinner is finished, my stomach full and satisfied making me all the more sleepy. Even though I napped earlier I'm fatigued, and I credit my injury rather than my earlier tantrum. Still, it's frustrating.

Not missing a beat, Levi notices and convinces me to retire to his bedroom for the evening. I don't like it, but I don't fight it either. We've had enough quarrels today and it's more comfortable there than on the couch. Plus there's more space.

However he doesn't stay in the room, cleaning up in the kitchen instead of sitting in his creaky chair. I strain to listen, waiting to see what he does when he's finished, but before he does I'm already drifting off.

—

Lucien hands me another glass of wine, real wine. Light passes through the crystal chalice and refracts in dozens of precise diamonds. The cuts in the glass add beauty, unlike the ones Lucien makes.

Unlike the ones I've made.

Although it's bitter, I force the red liquid down my throat, wanting the haze and numbness it brings. Eventually the sweet notes come out, coating my throat and tricking me into gulping more.

Warmth spreads through my belly and I sink further into stupor, more susceptible now to Lucien's deception and ready to succumb to helplessness. I should fight. I want to, but I won't.

I've never had the power to change things, only to not care. To move on without letting go.

A dream within a dream enfolds me. I stay, choosing to remain unaware of whatever Lucien has planned on the other side of consciousness.

It's dark here. I see nothing, yet it feels familiar.

"You deserve a proper answer." A husky whisper. I listen.

"But I don't— I don't know what this is. How to explain it."

My hand tingles. It's cold, but I don't move.

"At first I wasn't sure, and then it became stronger— my need to protect you. More than just to keep you safe."

Soft. Almost warm. I gravitate toward the feeling.

"Your pulse is a lullaby, your voice a hymn. I want to share stories and glances and..."

A tingle along my lip.

"But I won't let myself ruin your life, my world is no place for you. I can't understand why you haven't run. Why you accept me, trust me so much. You deserve more and don't ask for any of it."

Colder than before. The frostbite of absence.

"I have to let you go. Let you leave. Let you heal."

My chest squeezes, and I wonder if the cause is from the words, or torture being inflicted on my unconscious body.

"I don't know if I can."

—

During the night I wake, heart throbbing as I resurface to reality. I seek out my crimson eyes in the black of night, a guardian of sorts, and find them next to me. Levi's propped up in his usual spot, either woken from my nightmare or refusing to sleep. I want to scold him for it, but I don't.

I wish he'd lie down beside me, but I know he won't. Not this time.

I return to sleep and wait for the sun to rise. The next few days pass in a routine manner, eating and sleeping and wandering around in between. Neither of us mention more than easy topics. Bits of our past. Vampire lore, when I can sneak a question in.