A's Lullaby

Ukulele Blues

[ Mikha was in a bed rest and was not feeling well. In the same day they found out that Nanay Luce fell ill and passed away. Aiah tried to cheer Mikha up by singing to her with a ukulele.]

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Mikha had a good and long sleep.

It was peaceful when she wake. A little hot because of the sun shining through the windows onto her face. 

It's a sunny afternoon.

She was on a bed rest for a few days already. Those days were unpleasant. Getting super fatigued was surely not recommended for people with heart illnesses.

'Kidding aside, bed rest sucks.' Mikha sighed.

Aiah had also been nothing but attentive, the whole duration of her not feeling well until now. Sometimes when she can't sleep, Aiah would sit beside her and play the ukulele for her.

The sweet girl would sing for her, hold her hand, and massage her forehead. Making her feel cared for.

Mikha smiled as she thought of Aiah. Then there was a knock by the door.

"I'm awake." She said.

The door opened, revealing Aiah. The girl was not looking good.

It made Mikha frown. "You okay? Ano nangyari?"

"Mikha...It's about ano," Aiah gently went inside the room. She bit her lip, obviously having second thoughts of how to say it. Mikha patiently waited.

"Ano, si Nanay Luce." Aiah said like she wanted to burst into tears any moment. She went beside Mikha first and sat before saying it.

"Wala na si Nanay Luce."

Just like that her peaceful afternoon was shattered into pieces. 

It was one of those times that Mikha could physically feel her heart break. 

It hurts.

So much that the tears started to flow non stop. She sobbed, not caring the stinging pain she felt in her head.

While Aiah hugged her close and tight. Trying to calm her down. She held onto her like her life depends on it.

Mikha gripped on Aiah's shirt and cried.

"Why?" She managed to ask in between her sobs. "Bakit? Okay naman siya, bakit?"

"Diba umuwi siya nung nakaraan sa probinsya niya, for her kids. May sakit na pala siya non." Aiah softly said as she rubbed Mikha's back.

"Is that why she kept cooking my favorite dishes?" Mikha rubbed her eyes.

'Kaya ba lagi siyang nag I-I love you?  I couldn't even say it back.'

She bit her lip. "I wasn't able to say I love her back."

Her tears bubbled up again. Aiah just let her cry.

Until she finally calmed down. Her head was throbbing in pain from all the crying and because she's still not well.

Mikha felt so ugly. Not just in appearance but in everything.

She felt undeserving.

If this is how she feels when a loved one pass, what will Aiah feel when she does?

"Why are you still with me? I'm a mess, I'm broken, literally. Eventually, anytime or any day I'll leave you behind."

Aiah's face hardened at that question.

"No don't say that Mikha. I won't let you leave me, that won't happen. We'll find a way."

"Aiah..."

"I'll find a way." Aiah had this look on her face. Not just determination but also something that Mikha could not pin point. Whatever it is, Mikha's having mixed feeling about it.

She doesn't know if she wanted to be grateful or she wanted to cry again. Aiah was always there, always so supportive of her.

Does she deserve it? Aiah says she does.

Was she worth it? Aiah says she is.

Mikha was thankful for the love really, but what will happen when she's not there anymore? What will happen to her Aiah.

In a hundred of reasons to be afraid to succumb to sleep, one of the top reasons in her mind was about leaving Aiah alone.

"This is so hard Aiah." Mikha squeezed her eyes close, scrunching up her face. Her forehead creasing from the pain.

"You don't know how scared I am to leave you."

Aiah sharply breathed in, almost a gasp. Shaking her head saying, "I'm also scared of losing you. I think that's equally scary as you leaving me."

Mikha trembled inside, she was sweating.

She couldn't say anything but lay there, letting go of Aiah's hold.

Silence engulfed them. The ticking of the clock seemed louder than before.

Then she heard quiet strums of a ukulele, it made Mikha slightly smile. "Seriously? Ano to musical?" She joked.

Aiah rolled her eyes as she continued strumming and humming while looking at the ukulele.

"Music makes me calm, I know it does the same to you." Aiah shrugged her shoulders.

"Hmmm."

It does make her calm. She stared at the ceiling, listening to the clock ticking. Listening to Aiah's strumming.

She just laid there, listening. Keeping her heart calm.

Mikha thinks of Nanay Luce. How she missed her. How guilty she felt that she couldn't even say good bye and say 'I love you' to her.

She thinks of how Nanay Luce was her only parent figure growing up.

She also thinks of Aiah.

Always, thinking of Aiah.

Mikha doesn't know when it started, but Aiah became her world.

Her home.

Her everything.

Her lullaby.

'Aiah's  presence is soothing.'  Mikha breathed out. 

She then felt a soft kiss on her forehead. Mikha looked at Aiah. 

No words exchanged, they were just gazing.

'One way or another. I need to accept what's going to happen to us. And I also need to prepare her.' 

Mikha was determined.