#BLIPPED - a romantic comedy featuring normal people, in a Marvel world

The One Where I Blink and Five Years Pass

When I woke up to pornographic noises coming from my bedroom, suffice it to say, I was confused. 

For starters, I was certain my husband, Max, had been napping beside me on the couch just seconds ago. I couldn't have nodded off for more than a few minutes, so what the hell was that all about? 

You might be thinking, so what if your husband snuck off to watch porn and jerk off when he thought you were asleep? In the grand scheme of things, that feels pretty small, right? 

I would have to agree. 

The thing is, these pornographic noises were loud. I sat up, feeling disheveled and bleary-eyed, feeling like I'd been napping for minutes and years at the same time. And I quickly realized that one of those cries of pleasure definitely belonged to Max. 

Shooting bolt upright, I marched myself across the living room and into the hall. My vision was still so fuzzy and unfocused that I didn't notice my wedding photos missing from the hallway gallery, and I tore open the master bedroom door. 

A woman I didn't recognize was riding my husband, and they both sounded very enthusiastic. She was blonde, fair and beautiful, and she had, for lack of a better term: massive honkers. For that moment before I lost my shit, I had the distinct thought, I wish my boobs looked like that. 

But as mentioned before, soon after, I lost my shit. 

"What the hell?!" I cried, in shock at what I saw before me. The audacity to not only cheat on me while I was still in the house, but to do it so loudly? Who did this man think he was? 

Yet Max didn't react at all the way I thought he would. 

Obviously, the pair immediately stopped grinding against each other, quickly covering themselves in fear at being interrupted. Then, surprisingly, Max's fear turned quickly to . . . relief? 

"Lori!" he said, and not in a, oh my god, my wife just caught me fucking another woman kind of way. There was longing and agony in his voice that confused me and, honestly, scared me. Max quickly pulled on a pair of shorts that were on the floor next to the bed and he raced across the room to me, tears springing to his eyes as he embraced me. 

And I just stood there, baffled. "Um . . . what?" 

"You're back, you're back. Oh my god, you're back," he whispered in my ear. 

Nothing about this felt right, and it was more than just, My husband would never cheat on me. We had a wonderful marriage, at least I thought we did. Max worshipped the ground I walked on. 

Then why is this happening? 

I pulled back abruptly. "What are you talking about? I took a fucking nap, what the hell is she doing here?" I pointed at the blonde woman still in my bed, who stared at me wide-eyed. 

Except I did a double take and realized that . . . this wasn't my bed; it had been replaced with something completely different. In fact, all the bedroom furniture was different, having been replaced with more modern alternatives. 

"Baby, I can explain everything. You should sit down," Max said, his eyebrows furrowed, his blue eyes so sad. My chest tightened as I realized whatever he had to tell me, couldn't be good. 

"What is this, some weird, coma-like situation?" I asked, beginning to panic. 

Max just pursed his lips and frowned. "Something like that."