Control

twelve

My foot taps as I wait inside Dove's, my heartbeat playing a soft symphony in my ears. I nervously glance around the cafe, noticing tired college students milling about the timber walls, waiting for coffees to awaken their brains for the week ahead.

I stand by the counter, waiting for the person I am meeting so we can find a table.

This doesn't have to mean anything. Nothing at all. Just a girl meeting her boss' partner, that's it.

Except Louise is a psychologist and apparently psychologists help you. Even if you don't have a problem.

I exhale, my breath mingling with the air, carbon dioxide leaving me so that oxygen can enter.

When I called Louise to possibly meet up - after Margot had spoken to her - I had been filled with determination and decisiveness.

Now, when a woman I vaguely recognise as the person in Margot's picture frame enters Dove's, I am filled with nervousness.

She smiles at me, her short bob bouncing around her face as she walks towards me.

"Hi Rory," she greets when she reaches me, blue eyes smiling kindly. She's wearing a knitted cardigan and a long flowy skirt - starkly contrasting her partner's style.

"Hi Louise, it's nice to meet you," I respond politely, giving her a small smile. I feel overdressed in my high-waisted black pants paired with a sophisticated white polo.

This isn't a job interview, Rory.

Louise takes the reins, leading me to a table on the side. We sit opposite each other, ordering coffees when the waitress approaches us almost immediately.

A silence fills the space between us when the waitress leaves. I get the feeling that it's awkward for me, but not for Louise.

"How are you?" Louise simply asks, her eyes trained on me in interest.

Just two people having a conversation. This is easy.

"I'm good," I say. I realise I should add more, so I continue. "I love my work and that occupies most of my time, so I'm really enjoying my graduate program. Margot is so inspiring."

Louise nods, eyes crinkling when she smiles in good nature.

"How are you?" I ask in reciprocation.

"I'm doing quite well too actually. I also love my work - I'm a psychologist."

I think she mentions this out of courtesy, because we both know what her line of work is. When she continues, I know that it is a courtesy.

"I'm sure Margot mentioned that. She also mentioned that you wanted to chat a bit, maybe regarding how to go about seeing someone?" she asks.

It's quite forward, but I suppose she doesn't have all the time in the world and it's not like I'm paying her.

I nod once, before my eyebrows crease, processing what she's said.

"Kind of," I begin. "More so whether or not I should see someone."

I don't say anything more so Louise takes my lead. She tilts her head, eyebrows lifting in a question.

"How do you think you might benefit from seeing someone?" she asks.

I blink, having received an unexpected question.

"Um," I start, flustered. Louise stays silent, prompting me to take my time in answering her question.

I think about everything that I do that's out-of-the-ordinary and consider how my life would be changed without the habits I have formed in the last few years.