The Path of Silence

Chapter 1

People often said he was in his own little world, but he knew better than to correct them and see their questioning set of eyes locked into him. After a while, he began to recognize the similarities between their responses after he began sharing snippets of his life. Between biting their lips, furrowing their eyebrows, and asking prying questions that he felt were unnecessary, he began to realize once more why he chooses to live life in silence. He never abstained from speaking per se, but he rarely said what was truly on his mind. He often wished he had stitches glued together on his lips, because it would be a better excuse than his few muttered words on how he's merely reserved when personal questions arise. An excuse to show how as an adult working for a company that specializes in dating apps, he wasn't able to connect to a single person.

He figured it was a curse, like the ones cast on the fairy tale princesses his sisters loved to watch growing up. Except that unlike them, he wouldn't ever get a happy ending. On those lonely nights he wept himself to sleep, he thought of the single question that haunted him at every stage of his life

Is my silence costing me my life?

He always had the option to blame his silence on the society around him, but he refused, because he knew that deep down, he was causing his own self-ruin. It may have been the only choice laced with certainty he has ever made in his life because almost every other was made by a parent, fellow employee, or friend feigning a caring stance, when in reality all he felt they wanted was to mold him into the man they view as unscarred, as simply flawless. From his third-grade girlfriend to his one-night stand two years ago, he realized that no matter how hard he tries, no one will truly hear him, so why try?

As he grew up, he learned to simply evade that path of thought, and copy the responses of the people he communicates with to avoid embarrassing conversations.

He could count so many missed opportunities made by his silence, so many adventures, and chances of pure happiness being stolen by his wariness. It got to the point where he used to lay down in a fetal position on his bed. With tired blue pale eyes, and quiet mumblings hidden by the noise of the crickets outside, he almost tore his head apart opting to figure out if his identity truly belonged to him. He knew that somewhere along his childhood, something in him cracked. He himself, was simply a facade. It became too much to bear at times, when his sole interest was focused on mimicking his peers' behavior. Oftentimes, when his eyes were locked on the mirror, he practiced pronouncing every single word that he manages to hear from their voice in a distinct posh tone, not stopping until his vocal cords feel as if they are going to strangle him from exhaustion.

On a beautiful Sunday evening, he was swaying to the beats of an 80's pop song while making his usual scrambled eggs, topped with contrasting spices that enhanced the taste of the cuisine. While lowering his nostrils to smell his work of art, he began mumbling the words of the song, feeling overjoyed for the first time in ages. He starkly stopped when he felt his voice crack; his words began to jumble until he could barely understand what he was saying. He was horrified. As sweat trickled down his body, he closed the music and retreated to his comfy king-sized bed, hoping this won't happen again.

Since he was a workaholic, he spent most of his time in his office, going over new technological investments that he candidly reported to his boss. The only words he pronounced were at lunch, where his workers enjoyed provoking him with questions soaked with disdain, and hurtful comments seeking a retort. He acted amicably, responding while using a soft tone of voice that was nowhere near his somber one. Any talk about his personal life simply led to him freezing in place, glancing away as he thought of an excuse, and leaving the premises until he felt compelled enough to return. In the next few days after his incident, it got so bad that he could barely screech out a word before succumbing to coughs and headaches. For when he tried to communicate with anyone he froze in place, unable to utter a thing. Sitting in his usual spot for lunch, he caught his co-workers stealing surreptitious glances at him, arching their eyebrows while laughing at his failed attempts at simple conversations. He felt his silence was finally coming back to haunt him, shaping in the form of his worst nightmare. He wondered if he would ever get the life he once had back...