Lost Mind

Chapter 9: Enderwalking is a Fickle Thing

"Was I . . . Enderwalking?"

Blank and angry eyes stared back at Mellohi. Her gaze swiveled from Technoblade, to Eret, to Sam, and finally to Tubbo; from stone, to horror, to bitterness, and finally to fear.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

"What did I do?" she demanded, slowly rising to her feet. Tubbo shied away, hiding Michael from her. Eret avoided her gaze, Sam sneered at her, and Technoblade stood rigid. But nobody said a thing. "What the hell did I do!?"

"You really don't remember?" Eret asked quietly.

"All I remember was talking to my voices, then I was here," she explained. Again, she begged, "What did I do!? Just tell me what I did! Please!"

Michael was still wailing as Mellohi desperately stumbled over to Tubbo. The ram drew his vicious sword, pointing the tip at her nose.

"Stay. Away. From. My. Son," he whispered, his voice wavering dangerously.

"Tubbo, whatever I did, I did unwillingly!" she cried. "You know me! I would never—"

"You threw him to the ground head first!" Tubbo screamed. "You nearly killed him!"

Mellohi swayed on her feet. The world started to spin as she gazed at the sobbing Piglin. The crack in his skull now seemed much bigger than she thought.

"Tubs, that wasn't . . . that wasn't me," she tried to say.

"I don't care if it wasn't you," he snapped. "I know what I saw, despite the fact that I'm blind in one eye. And what happens when you do it again?"

There was something painfully obvious about the way he said when.

"I can't control my Enderwalks!" she shouted, hoping her words would hold more value if they were louder.

"Then maybe it's time for you to learn how."

His words stung. "You think I haven't been trying!?" She tugged at her hair frustratedly. "I spend day and night constantly afraid of Enderwalking, of killing more people in my sleep. It follows me, never letting me rest, and I try so fucking hard to control it. But I'm not strong, Tubbo, I'm not. There is nothing I will ever be able to do. I'm a puppet. A plaything. You think I don't realize it, but oh, sweet Tubbo, I do. Every. Single. Day."

"Mellohi!" Technoblade put himself between the Enderman and the ram. Mellohi snapped her focus back to the present, away from the awful memories flashing through her mind.

Her arm was raised, claws poised to strike. Tubbo's sword was digging into her throat, ready if she tried to get closer. She glanced over to see Eret with his bow nocked, the tip of the arrow glinting dangerously. Sam stayed in his place, frozen in shock. Mellohi curled her hand into a fist, and lowered it to her side. It trembled violently.

She was getting out of hand. This was the most she'd blacked out in the last five years, and she didn't even realize it. She was still conscious, yet her actions were not her own. A chill ran down her spine. It was getting worse.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on!?" Eret snapped, his bow still drawn.

The Enderman's eyes welled up. She didn't know that herself.

"I'm broken," she mumbled, hanging her head.

"No, you aren't," Technoblade consoled, reaching out.

Mellohi flinched away. "Don't touch me!" she cried. "You're just another person I'm going to hurt."

"You aren't going to hurt me."

"I will!" Mellohi's entire body was trembling violently. She slowly backed away from everyone as she glanced at Tubbo. "You should've killed me when you had the chance."