A Week Later

Chapter Three

5/26/22

The threats are getting bad. I saw some for Dilley, Brackett, and there was almost one in San Antonio I think. Some guy tried to break into a school in Nashville. When does this end?

I woke up at 6:45. I had to get dressed and take mom and then go home and take the dogs out. I got to work at 7:30. I stayed up too late watching Supernatural last night. Leslie came in this morning. Bobby told me he had a glass of water and a toothpick. I charged him $5.17. Chuey is here right now. He's quiet. I don't blame him. He's the chief of police. Juan came in and said that the man I saw crying on TV is his friend's son. This is too close to home. A lady came in with her daughter and granddaughter. She said she worked at the hospital that the Santa Fe shooter was born at. She delivered him. Evil truly surrounds us. There's a big debate over gun control and affordable health care and who knows what else. I want to move to Canada and be done with this all. Everywhere else there has been a mass shooting, they've changed the gun laws. Americans are just spoiled little shits.

Grayson came in for tacos this morning. He said he was going to pour concrete in Leakey. He said he wasn't looking forward to the heat. Grayson's pretty cool. He worked at Neal's last year. Jayce, Victoria, and I went tubing with them. He was our driver. Victoria was scared and then the door on the van wouldn't close, so Grayson said, "Just don't fall out. It'll be okay." It was so much fun. He's starting to come around to me. Talking more when he comes in. I like my job when I feel like the customers enjoy me. Never thought I'd say that.

"I'll do anything to protect my kids. Except give up my gun. I won't do that." - America

Jacob just got here. He said he heard the shooter was going after his classmates. They did a walk in their cap and gowns literally an hour before the shooting. They think he got the time wrong and shot the kids instead. I can't imagine what that school looks like. Major major props to the hazard and trauma cleaners and anyone who saw that. I hear he bought the ammo at oasis. They say he was nervous. I wonder why.

It's dead. School let out yesterday. I bet all of the high schoolers are still asleep. Johnny said graduation is still on here in Sabinal.

I'm trying to figure the schedule. Jessica and Maria said they want to work in the summer. I just don't know when. Or if Jessica wants the kitchen or the front. I kinda figured out a pattern. Not really though. I don't know. I'm trying to wean myself out so I can work at 90's. Especially with the gas prices. Mom can drive to work and I'll just ride my bike to the drive through.

Irma's husband died of a heart attack. He worked at HEB. I always saw him when we'd go. Broken hearts really do kill. I feel so sorry for their kids, but at least he can still be with her. Jessica said she works year round. So much for my schedule plan.

I have to go get clothes for the wedding tomorrow and graduation and the parties this weekend. The nearest clothes store is in Uvalde. This feels like a nightmare and I can't wake up. I'm not even one directly affected. It's just too close. There were more threats today. Manor High School, Dilley again, DHanis, Hondo. Thank god school is finally out. I'm just scared for graduation. I'm scared to go to Uvalde. They said they're targeting the stores and restaurants. I have pepper spray but it won't do much good against a Gun. It sprays kinda far though. I tested it out. It's the gel spray. You have to spray it in the eyes, mouth, and nose. God I hope it works. God I hope I don't have to use it. I saw an interview last night on the justice of the peace in Uvalde. He said the bodies were so unrecognizable, they were trying to identify them by what they were wearing, and even then it was hard. I can't imagine what the funerals will be like. I hope they bury Irma and her husband on the same day. Fuck gun laws. We need to do better.

The shooter's mom made a public statement. In one breath, she said her son wasn't violent. That he wasn't a monster. But in the next, she said he did have bouts of anger and aggression. She can't protect her son. He's a fuckhead piece of shit who can rot in hell.

Amerie's dad said her best friend was covered from head to toe in blood. She said her best friend tried to call for help and he shot her in the face. He asked her who her best friend was and she said "Amerie." I can't imagine. I can't begin to imagine. My heart continues to break for these kids and their parents. There was a second grader who was in the cafeteria. He said everyone was scared. They hid in the stage curtains. I can't imagine. I remember in school looking for places to hide. This shouldn't be the way it is. But it is. I hate that the news people are already interviewing. Meghan Markle visited the square in Uvalde. There's a memorial there. God this feels so wrong. This shouldn't be happening. I keep thinking of how those kids felt. I keep wondering what it must have been like in that room. I wonder what they thought when he said, "It's time to die." That's fucking scary.

The dogs are barking. My pepper spray is in the car. So is my wallet. And my money. Fuck. There was no one there. I have to go get my mom soon, and then we're gonna go to Uvalde. I'm scared.

We're back. The whole square is covered in memorials and camera crews. A man was walking up and down the street holding a sign that said "Uvalde Strong. Pray for the families." I'm not sure what he thought he was helping. We went to a bakery and on the way back to the highway we accidentally came across the school. I didn't see anything, I just know it was there because of all of the traffic. There was a "road closed" sign. It's scary. I saw a video of a senior at a Uvalde. He said he wanted to clear some things up. The shooter picked on people and got agitated when he didn't succeed. He hurt animals. He wasn't a good person. Obviously not. Otherwise he wouldn't have murdered babies. Even after seeing the memorials, it doesn't seem real.

About a month ago, I wrote my mom a suicide note because I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. She shamed for it entirely. She blasted me. She pulled the "How do you think it makes me feel as a parent?" Card. At my lowest, she made me feel like dirt. We went to Wendy's the next day. The guy who gave us our food was cute. He was tall and lanky and he had big, brown eyes, and long, black hair. He gave us our drinks and the window slammed shut. He gave us our food, apologized for slamming the window, and then said to have a good day. His voice was smooth. He killed 21 people this week.