A Week Later

Chapter Four

5/27/22

I feel nauseous. I woke up late again. Graduation is tonight. I keep getting a bad feeling something will happen. My mom wants to go with me to Sydney's graduation party. Funny because last year she didn't want anything to do with graduation. She just wants to go because all the band parents will be there and she wants to keep a good rep with them. My mom and I have problems. I don't have grandparents to run away to. And I don't plan on killing 4th graders.

There's a construction crew here. Only 1 speaks English. They're convinced I do too because I'm Hispanic. Hate to break it to you, boys. One of them has come in before with the English speaking one. He asked how old I was and if I liked to go to the river and if I liked to dance and go to the bars. I told him I was 19. He tipped me 60%. I was so uncomfortable. I still get the same vibe. The others are nice. Maybe it's just because he doesn't speak English. I feel nauseous and light headed. I don't want to be here. It's going to be a long weekend. Beto just told me they're Puertorriqueños. That's why I don't understand him.

We got really busy at work and now I'm at graduation. I tried to find something cute to wear for graduation I got completely sexualized from a friend. Now I'm scared because I'm wearing some thing kind of body conforming and I have to see the guy who apparently tried to kiss me at his graduation party last year, and I have not seen him since that night so I am nervous. Found out today that I have big boobs.

I sat with Natalie and Victoria. Thomas and Garrett walked right by me. They said hi to them and then kept walking. Jonah gave me another hug. Still didn't introduce me to his girlfriend. Time to go to Laura's wedding for a bit. Maybe. I didn't get them a gift.

I got in trouble. My mom doesn't like Laura. She got mad that I didn't tell her about the wedding. We went to Sydney's party for a little bit and then I dropped her off and went to the block party at the outback. I ran into Cameron there and we talked for a while. Everyone was surprised Cameron actually talked at all. I ran into Ina and Damien and AJ asked them if they wanted to go to a party. Ina's mom said she could go if I did. So I went. The party was at Thomas' ranch house. I called Adrian and he said, "Wow. I didn't take you for a party crasher." And then jokes were made about Thomas and that whole situation.

The party was actually fun. At first I was kinda by myself, but then I started talking to people. Looper was staring at me. I guess he has never seen me outside of school. And I haven't seen him in like 2 years. Tyler was drunk when I got there, but I don't think I've ever seen him sober. I found out he did hard drugs all through high school. He makes sense to me now. Jett, Looper, and Tyler were singing The Climb by Miley Cyrus. It was funny. The speaker died and Tyler got a little one that has an aux cord and Jett looked at him and said, "I thought you said you have a speaker. What the Fuck is that?" And Tyler replied, "Size doesn't matter!"

I was talking to Gage's cousin Angela because she was by herself and so was I, then Gage decided they were leaving. Ina got me a beer and everyone was shocked I was holding a blue can. People came up to me shocked I was there and even more shocked that I was drinking. A few even asked me to take a drink so they could witness it, as if it was some miraculous event. I found out Tyler was high through all of high school. Hard drugs, not weed. He said he's been clean two months now. He said now he's just an alcoholic.

Kaleb was high off his ass. So was Jaime. He was moving in slow motion. Goose was gone. They were trying to get him to stop drinking and he kept saying, "I'm fine. I'm fine." As he was opening another can. He slapped Ina's ass and Damien wanted to beat him up. We had to stop him. And Damien wasn't even drinking. When I left, Damien was confronting Goose, Thomas was handing out waters, and Luke was chasing Little Hendry with a bottle of water to try and sober him up. I talked to Garrett the whole time basically. We talked about money management and working. It's kinda lame when you go to a party and talk about work. I got home at 1:30 and took a two hour nap, now it's 6 and I'm at work. I didn't want to stay at home. Mom called me when I was driving home and then she got mad and hung up on me. When I tried to call her back, she wouldn't answer or would decline my calls. I gotta find a place soon.

When I got there, I was sitting down and Thomas was running around. He saw me and looked kinda shocked. He came and gave me a hug, didn't really say anything. I noticed that when he bent down and his shirt went up, he had a handgun in his waistband. It was kind of golden colored. Like coppery almost. It felt wrong. After everything that's happened. The graduates wore maroon ribbons on their gowns.