I stepped off the bus step, my siblings running to our house. The rain piled down on us. I walked quickly to our house. I opened the door. Smells of pasta filled the room. I walked upstairs, soaked from rain. I shut my door. I slung my slightly wet backpack on the door. I slid my wet jeans off quick, and put some shorts on. I slid my wet sweatshirt off and put a zip-up on over. My mind flooded with the memories of that night. I groaned in anger. I fell back on my bed, phone in my sweatshirt pocket. I guess I was just so mad at myself for not saying anything or talking to her that I just started crying. Tears ran down from my eyes. " What the hell am I doing?! ". I stared at my ceiling, thinking that I could have done more. I was so in my emotions that I didn't realize I was crying and upset about not talking to her or doing anymore then I already did. But then again, I had a lot more going on in my life than Nikki. I dug my fingers into my hands. I grabbed my phone. I was still soaked from the rain, my hair all wet. I pulled up Nikki's contact. I texted. " Can we talk? ". I sent it. I immediately began to feel anxious. I thought. " What if she thinks of that the wrong way? ". " What if she ingores me? ". My mind was going 300 miles per hour. I wiped my tears. I dropped my phone on my unmade bed. I walked over to my mirror. I stared at myself for a few minutes. I rubbed my face. I grabbed my phone and my rain coat. I slid it on. My mom blurted out. " Where are you going? Dinners almost ready.. ". I looked at her. " I'll be back soon. ". Caleb looked over. " Jordan are you okay? ". I stared at the door. " I'm fine. Be back in 20. " I left. The rain poured down. I walked down my street. I felt a vibration from my phone. She texted back. " Yeah. Sure. What's up? ". I texted back. " No, I feel like we need to do this in person. ". The text bubble bounced as she was typing. I stared at my phone blankly in the pouring rain. " okay sure.. are you okay? ". I waited for a moment. I typed back. " fine. ill text you when to meet. ". She sent back a worried emoji and ' okay.. '. I slid my phone back in my pocket. I then walked for 15 minutes and eventually returned to my house before 20 minutes were up. I opened the door and walked in. Everyone was getting settled and eating. I grabbed a plate, dropped my mom's pasta on the plate. I walked and sat down, parking my plate on the table. Everyone looked at me. I looked up. " What? ". I began eating quickly, and then immediately to the sink, and then my room. They all ate awkwardly when I was there. I opened the bathroom door. I turned on the shower. I went to my room, grabbed clean boxers I just bought, and a bra out of my dresser. I took all of my accessories off. I grabbed my brush and took my shoes off quickly, leaving them abandoned on my bedroom floor. I walked to my bathroom. I shut the door, then locked it. I played music. The shower was now hot, and stream was collecting in the room. I took my rain jacket off and placed it in the closet. I grabbed the zip up hoodie and unzipped it and placed it in the closet as well. I shut the closet door. I slid my shorts off. I put my hands under my shirt, taking it off. I unhooked my bra. I stretched. My exposed naked body stood Infront of the bathroom mirror. I stepped into my shower, the hot water hitting me. I wet my hair and applied lavender shampoo. I lathered my hair up, then washed it out. I did the same with the conditioner. I shaved and washed my body. I leaned against the shower walls. A split second flashback popped in my head, and left. I sighed. The only thing on my mind was her. Nikki. I groaned. I then took a last wash off and shut my water off. I pulled my shower door open. I stepped onto the shower mat after squeezing the leftover water out of it. I grabbed my towel. My body dripped water onto the floor. I wrapped the towel around my head and body. I then did my skincare, brushed my teeth and dried off. I slipped on the boxers and bra from earlier. I dried my damp hair. I grabbed my towels and threw them over the shower rod. I grabbed my phone. I paused my music, and walked to my room after opening the bathroom door. The steam escaped. I walked to my room and shut my door. I set my phone down. My music resuming at volume 10. I sat in my chair. My laptop open on my desk read: ' 7:39 PM. '. I glanced at it. I then looked to my window, as the rain piled down. It was almost dark enough you couldn't see anything. I got up, walked to my bed. I grabbed my phone. I opened photos and started staring at the photos of Nikki and I.
" why am i like this? " I thought. I paused my music and plugged my phone in. I set it on my night stand. I eventually drifted off to sleep.
