Cheater- A Lams fanfic

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I finally went to sleep after re-reading the letter about a hundred times. I couldn't believe I would see the one person who I thought I would never see again. That fact haunted my dreams as it had during the war.

Empty room, empty bed, empty heart.

He was gone. Dead. He had died a brave death they said but who's death is really brave in the end? We are but mortals on a mortal planet. 

Broken eyes, broken tears, broken lips.

They said he was gone. They said he had died. He was really shipped against his wishes back to England because of me. Being a sodomite was a crime yet he was the son of a senator. The most he would get was a slap on the wrist. I was never found out.

Quiet heart, quiet mind, quiet, quiet, quiet.

He couldn't have been alive. What did all the whispers of love mean in the tents? Did he never care? Did he ever love me? 

But I remember this; 

The first time our hands met and he blushed

The first time he was drunk and told me I was beautiful 

The first time he kissed me in the quiet darkness of the tent

The first time he leaned over me with lust darkening his eyes

The first time he told me he loved me.

True or false?

I started awake my mind still blazing with a million words I would never write down. How could I? Sodomy is illegal and we both have wives. One thought lingered in my mind though. I would see him today and he would tell me the truth.

But for now, I would slip back into the restless dreams of him for it was still early.

Several hours later I woke up and who said I couldn't have nice dreams about him? I did though and I would soon be seeing him which would be incredible. 

As I stepped downstairs into the parlor where Pip and Ana were already eating toast and talking I tried to reconsider this. I have a family and maybe that was why? But as soon as I pictured my dearest J. I couldn't think anymore and I was more convinced as soon as Angelica and Eliza stepped out of the kitchen.

"Alexander the coach is leaving soon and as you have already resigned yourself not to go at least you must bid us adieu." Eliza said as she stepped forward to kiss my cheek. I noticed Angelica standing sullenly in the back.

"I absolutely cannot believe you Alexander. You haven't seen me in at least two years and you trivially refuse to go upstate with us?" She exclaimed passionately. "Eliza, you say the least he could do is say goodbye but really the least he could do is come with us!"

She walked past us swiftly to grab her bags from upstairs and left me and Eliza in silence with Pip and Ana exchanging shocked glances behind us.

I suddenly realized I hadn't said a word yet to either of them. 

"Look, Eliza-"

"Save it" she snapped before following Angelica upstairs. 

"Go on Ana, Pip." I said nudging the shocked children upstairs to grab the bags as well. Before long I heard the clip-clopping of the carriage horses outside and Angelica, Eliza, Ana, and Pip stepped down in traveling outfits.

I kissed each person on the cheek and led them outside where I silently slipped them into the coach as if conducting a silent business transaction. They nodded farewells as the footman flicked the reins and shot of with them.