Which Star (Harry Styles story)

Two.

Feb. 22, 2013, Entry four- Harry

Well, today's the day. Last night I held you for the last time before I have to leave. I let you cry. I cried with you. You know I'll miss you. More than anything. I've decided after the tour, I'll give you this diary, to show that I still will love you. I want forever with you, whatever it takes.

It's 10 in the morning, and I have to leave at 1. The trip to the airport should take a couple hours, but I'm driving with you for those last few hours. 

When I wake up, I smell eggs and bacon. You're cooking for me. I love your food. It's always so great. I'll miss your cooking, too. The burned things, even.

Remember when you and I made pizza? You were laughing so hard at how it just absolutley scortched. I remember, I was mad, but seeing you laughing made me laugh with you. We ate it anyway, just to see. Then the boys tried it and Louis described it as, "a sick pile of rubish". Louis, alway so blunt and sassy.

I think the boys will miss you too. You're always around us, like a part of the band. Which you could be,with that singing voice of yours. Anyway, I know Niall deffinetly will. Him being a good friend of yours. I promise, I'll let him talk to you on the phone also.

And that's all we can do to talk...Either Skype or calls through the phone. I'd rather Skype, but managment rarley lets us on the internet. Only twitter once a day. Maybe I could tell them I need to see your face. Because I do. It's the one thing I need to motivate myself. Odd.

"Hey, you." You say, trying to sound a little happier than you are. "How'd you sleep?" 

"Well, okay, I guess. Tears make me exhausted." You make a face that tells me I should shut up about it.

"Here's your breakfast, I tried to make it as well as I could." You make another sheepish face.

"It looks fine. It probably tastes fine." I joke. You make an awkward giggle and bite your bottom lip. We're both trying to not cry again. I smile a weak, helpless smile and try it. It's actually very good. Like it came from a resteraunt. 

As I ate, you get yourself a saucer and pile a little piece of bacon and some eggs. You get two glasses and fill them with orange juice. I smile as I see you pouring it, almost spilling.

I go and brush my teeth in the bedroom bathroom, and you push into the small space, looking at yourself, deciding something. We oddly both get prepared for the day, you even put on a little make up.

"Why are you putting eye-liner on?" I say stupidly. I'm surprised at seeing you applying it.

"Because I want you to see me pretty before you go. And it's mascara, by the way, dummy." You turn from the mirror and mess up my hair. We both giggle, a sad sound. The last time I'd hear it in person for a while.

"You know you look fine without it, but whatever you think you need." I shrug my shoulders, you give me that sweet smile, and I can't fight not smiling back. 

You brush your hair out and get dressed in some cut-off jean shorts, and a converse tank. You stand in front of the mirror to double check how you look. You turn away, smiling as if you are going to jump.

You pounce on me and hug me. I kiss your blushed cheek playfully. I can feel you smiling and turning your head to face my lips, and gave me a peck. I cradle you in my arms.

My throat creates a lump. It's hard to fight back the burning tears, but I swallow and enjoy this moment. I can't cry now, not in front of her face, I think to myself.

I look down at my feet, getting a glimpse of your shorts, and back at your lips. I press them back on yours and move to your jawline, down to your neck, and you giggle.

"H-Harry, Sto-op." You laugh, and push me from you. I look down, blushing, and smile back at you.

"I wasn't going to do anything anyway..." I chuckle.

"Uh huh, sure. You'd better get a shower, guy, it's 11."

"I don't take that long!" I laugh again. I decide that I do need a shower. You step out to go clean up the table.

In the shower, I was thinking about you once again. I was thinking on how much I loved you, and what to call you now. I love you too much to call you my girlfriend anymore...we need a new title. I thought about how I was going to change it. It can't be anything as boring and unfilling as "girlfriend", but not something as extreme as wife. Though the wife thing didn't bother me that much.

"Where's Harry?" I hear a familiar voice say. It's none of the boy's, it's too feminine. 

"In the shower, Anne. He should be out in a few minutes." I hear you say to her. Mum laughs.

I hurry up in the shower, excited to see mum. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks.

I blow dry my hair, and get dressed for the day. I walk out of the bathroom to see mum and you sitting on our couch.

"Harry!" Mum says, jumping out of her seat, hugging me.

"Hey mum." I hug her back, seeing you smiling behind us. You always think we have the cutest mother and son relationship. But you know I love her.

"I missed you so much." She kisses me on the cheek, and you laugh at my embarrassed face.

"Mum...stop..." I say sheepishly.

"Sorry, sorry. I know my big boy doesn't want to be kissing his mother in front of the girlfriend." She ruffles my hair and I see you trying not to burst out laughing.

"It's okay, you guys are cute. And that's your excuse." You nod, and smile.

After a half hour, I tell mum we have to get to the airport. So I hug mum goodbye, and she leaves by 12:30. It was nice seeing her. I was going to miss her also.

At around 1, you and I head for the car. You sit in the passenger's seat, and slouch sadly. I look at you, and see a little tear on your face, and it almost kills me. I'm so sorry.

Feb. 23, 2013, Entry 5- Harry

Yesterday at the airport, we got no time for a long goodbye. Just a kiss, a hug, and a love you. I wanted to say, or do, more, but I couldn't. Managment didn't care if it was my true love, they told me to hurry. As I climbed on the plane, as we're flying away, I look down at you, waving. I can't wave back. You can't see me. I see you, slouching sadly again. And now we're fifty feet in the air, and my heart breaks. 

"Harry?" A voice says.

I clear my throat. "Yeah?"

"I know it's hard, man. You think I miss El? I do. I know exactly what your feeling. Just stay strong. You're my best mate." He says in a sympathetic voice, and pats my shoulder. Louis knows how to get serious when he needs to. 

Now I'm still on the plane, texting you, and tearing up. This was harder than I thought.

Feb. 24, 2013, Entry 6- Harry

We finally reach our first concert. Tonight you'd be watching me on the television. I wonder what you're doing now, but shake my head and know exactly what you were doing. Laying in bed, eating and watching videos of us on the DVD I gave you on your birthday last year. I'm watching the fans outside of our arena and it reminds me of the day I met you. The only difference, the huge lot of them are screaming, and you never screamed.