To No One In Particular

5am....

I'm sitting upright on my bed. It's 5.34am.

Music has been playing through my earphones all night long, and I woke up to our song.

I clicked on my phone and the first thing I see is your name. Literally. Its a reminder because your birthday is tomorrow.

I sit cross-legged on my bed, as my eyes begin to prick a little with tears of injustice and hurt.

My favourite part of our song comes on.

A memory wanders into my mind.

Followed by a million more, rampaging my brain like wild animals. They won't go.

They're there for the day now.

It's 5.42am.

My knees are hugged to my body as I cling onto them, tears flowing steadily down my cheeks. Memory after memory floods into my head, making my brain go fuzzy with confusion.

Confusion.

Questions.

Why?

What?

What did I do wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

It's 5.56am.

I'm sick of analysing everything with you.

I'm sick of feeling like I should be deciphering everything you say like it's code. Why can't it just be simple?

My eyes are tightly, forcefully shut. I can't bear to open them anymore. Tears of heartbreak are squeezed out of my eyes rapidly. I love you. I love you. I hate you. But I love you.