Miss. Marge and Miss. Minerva

The Encounter

(Scene opens on Minerva's Paste and Nasal Spray in London. MINERVA is lazily wiping off the counters when MARGE walks in.)

Minerva: Hello and welcome to Minerva's Paste and Nasal Spray. What can I get for you?

Marge: (attempt at British accent ruined by southern accent) I'm just browsing, thanks though. (Picks up a can labeled Minerva's Paste: Good for all your Pasting Needs) Do you hand make these labels?

Minerva: Yes.

Marge: All by yourself?

Minerva: Well, my sister helped me before she moved to America. But now I'm all alone (sighs "sadly")

Marge: (southern accent coming through in full stride) Well I'll be, I'm from there!

Minerva: Where?

Marge: (indignantly) America!

Minerva: Your accent did sound a bit off . . . (trails off not wanting to offend)

Marge: (a bit huffy)(abandoning british accent) I have been practicing for weeks! What gave me away?

Minerva: (lazily skeptical) "Well I'll be?" Not exactly the most british phrase I've heard here?

Marge: (challenging) Care to tell me what the most would be?

Minerva: Most likely either, "Ohh, tea!" or "I was so excited so I made myself some tea!"

Marge: I can talk about tea too! (Putting on british accent again) Iced tea is m―

Minerva: (interrupting) No, no, no you're doing it all wrong. British people don't even drink iced tea.

Marge: What about in the summer time?

Minerva: Nope! Still hot!

Marge: (confused) That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. (covering up confusion) That's not even why I'm here though. I wanted to buy some reliable nose spray.

Minerva: (brightens at a potential customer) Well in that case, have I got a selection for you! (picks up nearby container) We have many different kinds, from your average strength to your heav―

Marge: (interrupting) No, no, no, you misunderstand me. (happy the tables are turned and history has repeated itself, MARGE draws out her request) I ..... said .... reliable.

Minerva: (gasps) You question my character? And why is that?

Marge: When I came in here, trying to just fit in away from home, you did nothing but be extremely rude to me, and that is simply unacceptable. I shouldn't tolerate being treated this way. If I didn't have a cold something awful I wouldn't 'ta even come! (turns to leave)

Minerva: (hurriedly) Wait! You're right, I was rude. Criticizing things is within my nature but I meant no harm.

(A young, attractive man, DAVID, MINERVA's younger brother sweeps in carrying art supplies)

David: So my darling sister is finally admitting she's rude, is she? (Noticing Marge and setting down box of supplies) Ooh! A customer! And who might you be?

Marge: (slightly taken aback by his prettiness) M-Marge. Who are you?

David: (grins winningly) I, my dear lady of the South, happen to be Miss. Prissy over here's youngest brother! (shoots a wink at MINERVA) Did I hear something about nasal spray?

Marge: (gaining confidence) Y-yes, I've had a terrible cold and I would ever so appreciate it if you could assist me.

(DAVID nods and helps MARGE looks though the selection. MINERVA sighs and rolls her eyes.)

Minerva: (aside) He always did have luck with the ladies.

(MARGE and DAVID finish up. MINERVA rings up the purchase, and MARGE heads to the door but then pulls out clipboard. It turns out MARGE is a undercover health-and-safety scout.)

Marge: (normal chicagoan accent) Well, I guess this about wraps up my time here. Minerva, this better be a quality product or the health reports will be hearing nasty things from me. David, (makes a check on the board) you were warm and inviting, expect a positive report in return. Thank you both for your time. (Walks out)

(STUNNED SILENCE)

Minerva: Well at least she didn't find the escapee from prison we're housing in the back. (walks casually away towards behind the front desk)

(DAVID pauses, startled, then goes to join her.)

David: (frustrated) Wait you're talking about Peter aren't you? Are we now referring to our brother as the escapee?

Minerva: (off-handedly) Why not?

SCENE

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- Anna Elise X)