Autumn of life

Entry One

English literature lessons usually end with me questioning my existence.  Except now, according to my therapist, i have to write my thoughts down in this cheap journal i got from poundland.  It's spiral side has jabbed me a few times and its blue plastic cover isn't really that appealing; but i guess it's a home for my self-destructing thoughts.  So let me explain what all this exactly is.  My name is North South; Hilarious i know, and at the start of the year I was diagnosed with depression; Big scary word isn't it. I've been in therapy for three months now which leads us here, April 29th 2014. So now at the end of every month I write an entry in this disgustingly blue coloured 'journal'. So what happened this month you ask? Nothing. Seriously nothing, all that happened was a new girl moved to my university. I never got her name, and i probably never will. My class are starting a new school project, it's called the 'book of life', ironic i know. I find out who i'm with net week, so i'll be back in a month i suppose.

Entry two

Afternoon, it is now May 24th, my partner for the project i mentioned is none other than the new girl. Her name is actually very pleasing; Autumn Winters. She is not was i expected i must admit.  When i heard her name i thought of misty barren plains and dark forests lit up in chains of warm fireflies.  But when i look at her, how can i say this, she is beyond compare. Her eyes look dark in shade, a boring dark onyx, but when she turns to the light her ravishingly gloomy eyes fill with every colour now to exist and then some more.  They turn into the universe itself, creating explosions of new colours every second. These beautiful eyes that i love so much settle on one colour. Green. Green is my new favourite colour. She is an inspiration, in my world of black, grey and white, she is green.  Autumn Winters. A mystery.  Magnificent in all aspects. However, she hates me. Well, i think she does. Autumn Winters didn't speak a word to me on the first day and the others were short snappy sentences just to get me to shut up. Her writing is phenomenal and it makes me wonder about what goes on in her head; maybe her mind is just like her eyes; filled with galaxies.

Entry three

Another month in and i'm surprisingly happy. Autumn Winters has made me, North South, happy. She talked to me, not just a casual conversation though, we talked. We had to meet up outside of school as were behind on our story.  I told her to meet me 'atop a hill of Glasgow' or 'poets hill'. I've been here for so long as i write this i'm afraid i've become one with the starry night sky. She told me about her family and I told her about mine.  I told her about my biggest secret; this journal. Autumn Winters smiled at me. Autumn Winters' smile makes up for the fact she has no spring or summer in her name.  She said i was brave and fell asleep on my shoulder. Autumn Winters snores. I would have laughed but i was afraid she would wake, so i just smiled down at her until she woke. Autumn Winters never told me her biggest secret; she showed me it. When i think of Autumn Winters' house, i think of a large manor surrounded by big tress but in reality, she lives in a run down flat two miles from school, broken windows and a scruffy door. Autumn Winters isn't a posh girl, she's a perfect girl who deserves better.

Entry four

I made a mistake. Autumn Winters was my mistake. I told her i love her. I shouldn't have done that, she ran away. Got in her car and drove away from my world of grey. She's in a coma now. A car drove straight into her and now i'm staring at her. She used to be filled with life and colour; now she's like me. Grey. I wont leave her. I'll never leave her. Im still writing our project. I've changed it to 'Autumn of Life' just in case she doesn't see the finished thing. I hope she does.

Entry five

Autumn woke up yesterday. Her parents were thrilled, her 12 brothers and sisters were thrilled, her aunts and uncles were thrilled and her many, many cousins were thrilled. The colour's came back to her and her dried up skin went back to its deep umber brown tone, Autumn Winters once again looked magnificent.  But the world isn't perfect, i realised this when she asked me; "who are you?".  Those three words crushed me, i still am crushed but now there is hope. I told her about, us. Autumn Winters cried, she screamed and begged to know why. Why she couldn't remember me. I told her i didn't know. She agreed to let me show her, us. Were here now, again 'atop a hill of Glasgow'. Autumn Winters is watching me write this but she doesn't know i'm writing about her. I've shown her everything, the old mill we broke into for pictures for her art wall. The tea shop underneath a book store, she loved that place. And now were at the one place I hope will make her remember, were waiting for the stars to show, the suns setting now. It's very pretty, but with Autumn Winters here it's like looking at a rock and a diamond. Autumn Winters is my diamond.

Entry six

There's a weird pleasure in loving someone who doesn't love you back.  But it's nothing compared to the joy i felt when Autumn told me she remembered. The sky had turned black and the stars came out and shone brighter than they ever had, just for Autumn Winters. Those green eyes looked into me, right into my soul and told me she remembered.  I jumped up and spun her around. We laughed for a whole hour and I cant describe how i felt knowing that she tired so hard just to remember me.  We went back and watched the stars, and i dropped her off home at 6:46 am.  I went back to the hill and wrote in the 'Autumn of Life' Book until it was time to go to school. Autumn Winters, what have you done to me? I wonder if the stars look down at her and try to shine as bright as she does. They never will. For Autumn Winters is brighter than white but darker than black.  Autumn Winters is everything.  She may never be mind but i will die knowing that I got to hold her close to me for a moment of my life. For a moment in Autumn Winters glorious life, i was there. That is all i need to know to make me happy.

Entry seven

In the end it doesn't matter i suppose, just how much i love Autumn Winters. I'll never be hers, and she'll never be mine.  I know that now, and i'd rather die with her near me than with her far far away in someone else's arms.  I need my last thoughts to be her. I crave Autumn Winters. So i bid you a farewell, a goodbye, a sayonara, and a thank you. Thank you Autumn Winters, you made me happy. Where the pills i took couldn't even make me smile, you made me happy. You filled me with light and you and you alone completed me. Autumn Winters is my last thought and in the next life she will be my first.  Death doesn't scare me, a life without Autumn Winters scares me. Autumn Winters, you are the only person in this universe that matters. Don't even say otherwise. Autumn Winters. Autumn. Winters. You were the Autumn of my life.

Entry eight

Hello. I'm not really sure what to say here. My names Autumn Winters. I found this journal under North's bed when his mother asked me to fetch his dress shoes. North South killed himself last weekend. He swallowed too many pills and gave up. I've read this journal many times and written draft over draft over what i would write in this book because i wanted it to be perfect. Now i realise that i have to be North South to be perfect. I loved him. I really did.  I'm so sorry that it was my fault this all happened. Now this is the part where all hell will break loose. It's the day of North South's funeral and I'm sat alone with his cold lifeless body in a church writing this. This is the so called 'Autumn of Life' book North South has been talking about, I'm handing this book in as our finished project and then i'm going to join my love in the next life. I only hope this time i catch him in time before he hits the ground. Lately, i've been wondering what i thought about before i thought about North South. He is the North of my life. He says he isn't perfect and unworthy, i've never met a person more breathtaking than North South. His personality makes up for the West and East that isn't in his name. So now i bid my farewells and my goodbyes and my sayonara and go to join him. North South says i, Autumn Winters didn't love him, how wrong he was.

/Authours Note/

Well. There is my short story, i used it for my english narrative writing essay and now I'm using it for the enjoyment of those around me. i'm not telling anyone to go kill themselves with this book, it was just an idea. 🐘 don't give nellie the elephant hate :3

thanks for reading

peace ✌